Point/Counterpoint: Japan's Nuclear Plants

Point: There is no cause for alarm

by Jethro van Goterhoffeschen, Doctor of Nuclear Science and Other Smart-Sounding Stuff

While the news of a release of radioactive material may sound alarming, I assure you there is no reason for concern. It is true that after the earthquake in Japan, a small amount of radioactive material was released into the air. This is mostly only a problem for those in the immediate vicinity, who are rightly being treated for potential exposure.

The prevailing winds in the jet stream are indeed blowing eastward, towards the west coast of the United States, but the cloud of radioactive particles has not reached that high altitude. Instead, it seems to be caught in the low pressure zone formed over the north pacific.

For this reason, it is highly unlikely that any radioactivity will reach the west coast. And even if it did, the radiation dosage you get from eating one banana would be greater than that from the Japanese nuclear reactors. 6000 miles is simply too great a distance for the radiation to maintain any significant concentration.

While the reactor meltdown is a concern, this incident is nowhere near as bad as the Chernobyl incident, which poisoned the surrounding area with nuclear fallout and caused the deaths of at least 50 people. We should not allow emotion and fear to lead us into rash behavior and abandon our successful nuclear program.

Counterpoint: Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die!

by Hugh Jass, Professional panic-stirrer and New York Times correspondent

Did you hear that? There's a giant cloud of nuclear waste heading towards the United States! It was caused by a catastrophic nuclear explosion--think mushroom cloud--which is due to the total meltdown of several nuclear reactors in Japan.

The radioactivity is being carried by winds to the west coast of the US, which will sometime today be completely enveloped in the noxious cloud! Everyone run for the hills! Shortly after, the cloud will creep over the rest of the states, and people in New York will be dropping dead in the streets by next week!

Quick, everyone buy up all the Potassium Iodide tablets you can! Only that can save you from the fallout which will likely cause a nuclear winter!

This is the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl! Everyone abandon nuclear power--wait, that isn't enough. We should abandon electricity altogether, since it was the melting of the polar ice caps caused by global warming that caused the tectonic shift that started the earthquake to begin with! This is all the fault of Big Oil! Come get your pitchforks, torches,and Potassium Iodide!

And run for the hills!

Shopping for a Delli Sandwich

If buying a sandwich were like shopping for a computer from Dell.
(Inspired by Shamus Young: "PC Hardware is 'Toast'".)

INT. "The Delli"

"Hi, how can I help you?"

"I'd like a ham sandwich on rye with swiss cheese."

"I'm sorry, we don't sell sandwiches like that."

"What, you don't sell ham sandwiches? Or on rye bread?"

"No, we have ham sandwiches and rye bread, but we don't sell them in that manner."

"You mean custom made to order?"

"No, we have custom-made sandwiches but—lemme just explain. We've determined that to serve our customers better, it's most efficient if we offer different lines of sandwiches, each tailored for a particular customer demographic's needs."

"Ok... tell me about your sandwich lines."

"Well, we have the Latitude line of sandwiches for our business user who need best-in-class sandwich reliability. Our Vostro line is popular with small business eaters who need a filling sandwich for not too much money. Our Inspiron sandwiches are great for home and home office eaters who need style and satisfaction from their lunches. And our Alienware line is best for power-eaters who want top-of-the-line sandwich performance."

Read more »

/Random

News in Briefs
News reported while wearing underwear.


Local Teen Arrested; Authorities Investigate Possible Sarah Palin Connection

Laguna Niguel, CA—A local teenager has been arrested for shoplifting from several stores in a Laguna Niguel shopping center. According to authorities, shopkeepers had suspected the 16-year-old male for some time, but after one store owner managed to catch the suspected thief on security camera, police were able to act to arrest the boy. According to the sheriff's office, they are also investigating a possible connection to former Alaska governor and Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. During the recent midterm elections, Ms. Palin spoke frequently of the need to "take back" the house and her "kleptomaniacal rhetoric" may have spurred the boy to becoming a thief.


Link of the Day/Week/Month

John C. Wright’s Patented One Session Lesson in the Mechanics of Fiction

Far and away, the best introduction to fiction writing I've read.


Boring (Short) Political Rant
I'm going to try to post fewer of these and get back to my roots of humor, satire, and cat/baby pictures. I realized that all of my readers, save one, already agree with me. Of those that agree, they're all smarter than me anyways, so nothing I say will be particularly insightful. And the one dissenter will be unpersuaded by anything I have to say.


On the Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell


Were it not for the comment from Robert J. Wizard, a frequent and usually sensible commenter on John C. Wright's journal, that it's impossible for most men to go more than a year without masturbating, I would have a rather hard time understanding the opposition to DADT. I've always known that the sexual revolutionaries think chastity is unnecessary, or even perhaps evil. But what I hadn't clued into yet was that, at least subconsciously, they actually think it's impossible. So from this perspective, a policy like DADT, where gays are admitted to the military so long as they don't indulge their disordered desires, is akin to asking them not to breathe.

Once I realized this, I saw the mentality all over, from the opposition to abstinence-only education ("they're gonna do it anyways; might as well teach them to do it safely") to the hatred towards the Church's opposition to condoms in fighting AIDS (the Church sees the choice not to be promiscuous as safer than the choice to be promiscuous, but using condoms; the revolutionaries see the choice as using or not using condoms when being promiscuous).

But of course, this is neither here nor there. Just as the gay-rights advocates never ask what the purpose of marriage is when assuming it to be a right (to me, gay marriage seems kind of like a tampon for men), they also miss the point of the military. "The military's job," as Rush Limbaugh would say, "is to kill people and break things." The only real question is will allowing openly gay people to serve in the military help or hinder that job?

It's Just Too Easy

Democratic National Committee Chairman Tim Kaine made a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT! on Wednesday, which was touted as something to EXCITE! Democrats across the country and get them ready for November's elections.

Their big announcement? A new logo!

They make it too easy.

Isn't that exciting? Doesn't that just get you pumped? No? You're weird. It gets me excited. In fact, I was so excited I nearly fell off my chair. It's just an amazingly exciting logo. But perhaps it could stand some improvement. Let's see how we can fix it.

Frank, yet candid.

How about that? Think it gets the point across? In an exciting fashion? No? How about:

When you paint a target on your back....

Bullet holes are exciting, right? But oops! Now we're advertising the wrong organization. Let's try again:

Alternate caption: "Better than an F++."

This will certainly appeal to the teachers' unions, right? Aren't they democrats? Lastly, how about:

Dopey indeed.

So there you have it. An exciting new logo for these exciting times! I wonder how long it took the Democrat Party to come up with that! Good thing they have plenty of time to spend on making silly logos! I mean, it's not like there's anything else they need to be doing. No sir. This country is squared away! No problems here, nosiree.

(Of course, the more time they spent working on the logo, the less they spent messing up anything else.)

Got any other ideas for their logo? Post 'em in the comments!

[UPDATE]

Thought of a couple more for ya:

Tilt your head to the right.

A lot of other things could work here "–NIED", "–FEAT", "–UH", "–CIET", "–CEPTION", "–LUSIONAL", "–PRESSION", to name a few.

When did a conservative infiltrate The Onion?

Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire