Scientists Discover Lines Actually Same Length
20-year government-funded study discovers shocking truth about arrows


GAITHERSBURG, MD - Scientists from the National Institute of Standards and Technology's Physics Laboratory have released the 3000-page findings of a 20-year, $42 million study that shows that the two lines pictured above are actually the same length.

The lines were measured with the most advanced equipment and it was found that the lengths were the same, down to the nanometer. For comparison, a human hair is between 50,000 and 70,000 nanometers. "We were shocked," said Dr. Vickie Braxton of the NIST. "After our initial measurements, we knew they were close to the same length, but we had no idea how close."

Dr. Braxton admitted that before the Institute began its study, there was widespread debate about the lengths. "Some scientists argued that the line on the right is longer, because it looks longer. Others claimed that it was an optical illusion to hide the fact the one on the left is longer. Still others claimed that the artist intended to draw each line as the same length, but due to imperfections in the technique and medium, there would be a variance of a few microns. I don't think anyone expected the results we got."

The implications of this are staggering, according to the NIST report. "The idea that two lines could be accurately rendered to be so close in length flies in the face of 200 years of line-measurement." The report concludes with a petition to congress for an additional $50 million to develop a more accurate line-measuring tool that can determine the lines length down to another order of magnitude, to see if any discrepancy in length can be found.

Weapon of Mass Destruction found in IROC

And another Janet Jackson post

Families Cover Childrens' Eyes During Half-Time Show
Move by Timberlake only impure blight in an otherwise family-friendly 3 hours

Catherine Moorer, mother of four and spokeswoman for Families Against Pornography berated Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and MTV in a statement earlier today, calling the now-infamous costume-rip a "black mark on an otherwise clean 3 hours."

Moorer went on to say "My family was having a fun time watching the festivities and I had just asked my 8-year-old daughter if she wanted to learn to dance like the S&M side dancers when, out of the blue, they pull this stunt. I was outraged!" Moorer went on to praise the rest of the Super-Bowl programming as "good old fashioned family fun." "We laughed at the flatulent horse, blushed at the swearing children, and wrote down the name of the erectie dysfunction medication (for my husband). Next Halloween, my 6-year-old son wants to go as rapper 'Nelly' and glue his hand to his crotch. Imagine my 11-year-old daughter's disappointment when I told her she couldn't go trick-or-treating in Janet Jackson's black leather Gladiator outfit because of this stunt."

What a Surprise, MTV Does Something Shocking
Nation rolls eyes in amazement that Janet Jackson might do something indecent

The nation was "quite" shocked during the Super-Bowl halftime show when Justin Timberlake tore off part of Janet Jackson's costume, exposing her breast. Timberlake later issued a statement "apologizing" for the incident, calling it a "um... wardrobe malfunction. Yeah, that's it."

Lakisha Stanko, spokeswench for Decency In The Media (Like That's Going To Happen) read a statement denouncing Jackson and Timberlake for this "immoral and entirely predictable" half-time show. Said Stanko, "This is just another in a long line of outrages that have come from MTV, like we didn't see them coming." Stanko admitted that the statement had been prepared by DITM(LTGTH) 2 months ago, when they first heard that MTV was producing the half-time show.