War, It's Good for You and Good for Me.

So for those of you who haven't been playing Sam & Max: Season 1 (what is wrong with you?!), this is what you're missing out on.



In the latest episode, "Abe Lincoln Must Die", Max runs for president against an evil animated Abraham Lincoln Monument. After Max wins, Lincoln goes on a rampage and you must stop him. This of course requires you get into the war room, but the Secret Service Guy won't let anyone in the war room unless it's a time of war, so you must get the Dakotas - North, South, and West - to declare war on each other to give our furry heroes Sam & Max access to the nation's unlimited supply of ICBMs. Once you start the war, the Secret Service Agent launches into this musical number.

And, of course, hilarity ensues.

Statshot: The Return.
A look at the numbers that shape your world.

Things you don't want to hear the pilot say over the intercom.

The Quiz III: Theme Songs

1) We're Animaniacs,
We have pay or play contracts.
We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks.
We're Animani-
Totally insane-y
Where's Lon Chaney.
Animaniacs.
Those are the facts.

2) They're Pinky and the Brain,
Yes, Pinky and the Brain.
Their Twilight campaign,
Is easy to explain.
To prove their mousey worth,
They'll overthrow the Earth,
Their dinky,
Their Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.

3) Check out Dexter Douglas,
Nerd computer ace.
Went surfing on the Internet,
And was zapped in cyberspace.
He turned into the Freakazoid,
Who's strong and super-quick.
He drives the villains crazy,
'Cause he's a lunatic.

4) Transformers, more than meets the eye,
Transformers, robots in disguise,
Autobots wage their battles to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons.

5) Life is like a hurricane,
Here in Duckburg.
Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes,
It's a duck blur.
Might solve a mystery
Or rewrite history!

6) Butterfly in the sky,
I can fly twice as high,
Take a look, it's in a book,
Reading Rainbow.
I can go anywhere.
Friends to know and ways to grow,
Reading Rainbow.
I can be anything.
Take a look, it's in a book,
Reading Rainbow.

7) She'll go from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,
Chicago to Czechoslovakia and back!

Well she'll ransack Pakistan and run a scam in Scandinavia,
Then she'll stick 'em up Down Under and go pick-pocket Perth,
She put the Miss in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima,
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

8) Friends are there,
To help you get started, to give you a push on your way.
Friends are there,
To turn you around, to get your feet on the ground for a brand new day.
...
Friends are there when you need them,
They're even there when you don't.
For a walk in the park, or a shot in the dark,
Friends are there and I don't care,
But friends are there for you.

9) Hunt, hunt, hunt, he's the Huntsman.
He'll whip the pants off the bad guys.
If there's an emergency, sound the Horn of Urgency,
And summon the Huntsman.
"Into action" is his cry!
Hunt.

10) We are the Buddy Bears, we always get along,
We do a little dance and we sing a little song,
If you disagree that means that you are wrong,
We are the Buddy Bears, we always get along.

Bonus) Nine, nine, nine,
Fantastic number nine,
It's perfectly consistent,
It works out every time.
Nine, nine, nine,
That crazy number nine,
times any number you can find,
It all comes back to nine.

Scoring: 1 point for each correct line.
<1: You Phail at life.
1-9: You lose! Good day, sir!
10-17: The answers, my friend, are blowing in the wind between your ears.
18-27: Obi-Wan has taught you well.
28-36: Yub nub!
>=37: You cheat! Cheater!

References: 1) Animaniacs. 2) Pinky and the Brain. 3) Freakazoid. 4) Transformers. 5) Duck Tales. 6) Reading Rainbow. 7) Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. 8) Garfield and Friends. 9) Freakazoid. 10) Garfield and Friends. Bonus) Square One TV.

Semaphore Semaphore Mutant Semaphore Contest

Last week, when the program I was diligently tweaking/abusing crashed, I saved the coredmp file and attempted to decipher it using Notepad. Aside from the landing coordinates needed by the alien space fleet for their upcoming invasion of earth, there was nothing much of value in the file. It was mostly filled with a single phrase repeating ad infinitum: "semaphore semaphore mutant semaphore..."


I was fascinated by this, and pondered the meaning of "mutant semaphore." Without further ado, I changed my Messenger screen name to "Mutant Semaphore" and set out to learn the truth behind the name, the face behind the mask.


So, having googled no satisfying answers, I entreat you to assist me in my quest in finding (or making up) the meaning of this cryptic phrase--hence the Semaphore Semaphore Mutant Semaphore Contest. Whoever presents what I deem is the most satisfying definition of "mutant semaphore" will receive a Lenten-abstinence-batch-of-chocolate-chip-cookies, which is similar to the prize I offered two years ago to the solvers of my cryptogram, except these are both non-existent and low fat.

The Original Wazup Commercial

Well, it was actually only the first one I made...



Director Commentary: This whole video was Brian Tulius' idea for his household. I lived on the same dorm wing as him, so he asked me (since he'd seen other videos I've made) to help him make it. So I did. Then CTL (my household) got all indignant and asked me questions like "What?! You make them a video and not us?"... So I had to make another or I would have got beat up. That and it was fun to do a second.

Point/Counterpoint

Point: We Need to Stop Judging People and Embrace Alternative Lifestyles.
By Lance McGay, Alternativist.

I'm writing about an issue that is very important to me and close to my heart. That may be why I feel so passionately about this, but I ask you to be patient with me, because this is important to you too. The issue of which I speak is that of judgementalism and life choices.

Now, society as a whole has made much progress in this matter, but we still have a long, long way to go. There are certain segments of society which refuse to grow up. They refuse to embrace the reality of the world in which we live. They fear those who are different and judge them to be inferior. Now, this kind of thought is dangerous on its own, but some feel compelled to take it further. They try to make their ideas into law. They force their antiquated beliefs onto others. They enforce conformity to their misbegotten values.

I say we need to change this dangerous and destructive thought. We should embrace those who differ from us. We should not judge those who are different as wrong. Just because we don't agree with something someone says or does doesn't mean we should treat that person as a half-person or force them to agree with our opinions.

Now, I'm not trying to change anyone's own personal values. It is your secular humanism-given right to believe whatever you want. But you need to keep in mind that it is everyone else's right as well. Just as you have the right to think and do what you think is good, so do others have the right to think and do what they believe is good, even if it differs from your personal values of the universe. Likewise, even if you are personally opposed to something and believe it is wrong that doesn't mean that you should force someone else to hold your same belief and keep them from doing it.

In conclusion, we need to realize that each and every person should be the master of his own destiny and no one should be forced to conform to an idea that is not his own.


Counterpoint: Sure, Sure. That's What They All Say until They Find Out I'm a Serial Killer.
By Jack D. Manson, Serial Killer.

Let me start by saying I agree whole-heartedly with what my esteemed colleague just said. Every word of it. However, I don't believe he does.

More and more, I'm encountering people like him in this day and age. People who talk about how open they are and how accepting they are of people who are different from themselves. But you know what? They're all the same. They all talk about how enlightened they are, but they're biased against those who don't hold their beliefs, just like everyone else.

People like me have always been looked down upon and judged as evil by the rest of society. Just because we conduct our lives differently and make choices about how we live that they don't think are good choices, we are shunned and made to be outcasts. Do you know that those like me, who choose not to lie to ourselves about who we are and live life as we think is right are actually thrown in jail for it? Even in some of the most "progressive" countries in Europe, we're treated as blights upon society. And devil forbid that you should try to exercise your lifestyle choices in the "good old" USA. Most likely, they'll kill you for it.

For a while, I thought that with the changing cultural tides, people would finally accept me for who I was instead of trying to force me to be someone I'm not. I began to hear the call to "embrace diversity" and welcome people of different backgrounds. But I slowly learned that it was all a lie. Just a feel-good tactic so people could convince themselves that they weren't narrow-minded and ease their consciences. In the end, it left me more disheartened than ever. I question if society will ever be able to accept me for who I am.

In conclusion, look around you. Try to get past your own cultural-instilled biases and accept and love each person around you, no matter who they are or what they choose to do in their lives, even if they are slaughtering babies and dining on the flesh. Because you wouldn't want that person to judge you, would you?

Miracle of Miracles.

Today is March twenty-second, two thousand and seven. Remember that date. You will remember it for ages to come. And you will always remember what you were doing when you heard the news of today.

It is a momentous occasion. Unbelievable in its unlikelihood. Unfathomable in its impossibility. Inconceivable in its, um, inconceivability. I have done what many before me have tried and failed at. I have foiled the evil plots of the traffic planners of the City of Irvine and the County of Orange.

I drove the 2.9 miles from home to work without having to stop for any of the 12 traffic lights on the way.

I have documented this glorious achievement so that others might revel in the wonders of the moment. I'm sure that after studying this image, you too will understand the awesomeness of this day. Spread the news! Bring the glad tidings to the nations!

For I, Joe Belland, have made the commute from home to work in four minutes.

Interesting/Unusual Site of the Arbitrary Time Period



Holy Fortress of Solitude, Batman! Er... Check out this site about the largest crystals found in Chihuahua, Mexico. Thanks to BBSpot for the link.

The video that started it all!

Not really, but it was one of the first I ever made.

A Question of Physics (I Think)

Ok, I am not a physics professor, so I have a question for the FU News crowd who might know something about the matter. Tom and I were having a discussion about morality, beginning with the premise that speeding is "more" immoral than modifying the Boggle ini file so that I can continue to play it on the computer for free. This discussion rapidly progressed to geekier topics, ranging from how much we personally drive over/above the speed limit all the way to the question I would like to pose.

Here it is:

Does a car going 90 mph that hits a stationary car have the same effect as two cars going 45mph that hit each other? By "effect," I mean in regard to the people involved and in regard to vehicular damage. Assume that all drivers are wearing seat belts and have standard air bags. Tom posits that the effect would be the same, but to my convoluted mind, I think that adding the speed of the two moving cars to get 90 and saying they would have the same effect as the single car going 90 is too simplistic.

So which is worse: Hitting a stationary object at 90mph, or hitting an oncoming car with both cars going 45mph? Or is there absolutely no difference?

Happy Pi Day!

Pi is....

Double Feature!


Ok, I apologize for letting a little baby thing go in the way of doing what I really should be doing: Posting videos on the internet. So this week I present to you the double duece!

Best. Composer. Ever

I found this sample of genius from that lovable musical miscreant, John Stump:


More examples of what happens when composers not as genius as Beethoven lose their hearing can be found here.

Trailer Dump.

Best. Movie Title. Ever.

I'm thinking Tom's already camping in front of the theater for this one.

Nerdgasm.

Major Nerdgasm.

"New" trailer for Men With Waxed Chests. (Still torn on whether I'm going to see it in theaters or not.)

And can someone please tell me why, with just over two months before release, there is still no trailer to be seen for POTC:AWE, teaser or otherwise?

The Wikipedia Game.

No one won last week's contest. You all suck.

Speaking of which, this week you are to link from John Woo to Sucks. You cannot use year or date articles. Six Degrees claims there is a 4-degree path, but my magic number is 6. You cannot use more than 2 of the intermediate steps in Six Degrees' path.

Oh, and if you want to edit John Woo's entry to say something like "All his movies suck" or "he is the suckiest living director", I won't hold it against you, but since I must personally verify your path, try and make sure I'm looking during the .68 seconds between when you make the change and when the Wikipedia admins ban you for life.

Hannah Emperatrise is born!




Hannah Emperatrise Adams was born Sunday, March 4th, 2007 at 3:20AM She weighs 7lbs and 1.1 ounces, and 19 inches tall

Ileana is recouping just fine. Well be back in our house on Wednesday. Thanks so much to everyone who called, wrote and wished us well.

You can find more pictures in the Image Gallery at http://www.owibtyw.com

From hotair.com
Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

I demand an investigation by the Imperial Senate! Oh wait, forgot that it is disbanded. Oh well, probably for the best because all it did was waste its time on campaign finance reform and debating universial healthcare (like Ewoks and Jawas need good HMO coverage, anyway!).