I Can Has?

Our Little Boy, The Charmer

Hi!

So Damien's favorite word is "hi!" He says it to everyone and everything. Today, at Mass, he was standing in the back, next to the door, and greeting everyone who came in with a "hi!" and a wave.

He was also giving hugs to a lady in the pew behind us. Later, we might need to explain strangers and personal space to him, but right now, he's just too cute.

Point/Counterpoint: Japan's Nuclear Plants

Point: There is no cause for alarm

by Jethro van Goterhoffeschen, Doctor of Nuclear Science and Other Smart-Sounding Stuff

While the news of a release of radioactive material may sound alarming, I assure you there is no reason for concern. It is true that after the earthquake in Japan, a small amount of radioactive material was released into the air. This is mostly only a problem for those in the immediate vicinity, who are rightly being treated for potential exposure.

The prevailing winds in the jet stream are indeed blowing eastward, towards the west coast of the United States, but the cloud of radioactive particles has not reached that high altitude. Instead, it seems to be caught in the low pressure zone formed over the north pacific.

For this reason, it is highly unlikely that any radioactivity will reach the west coast. And even if it did, the radiation dosage you get from eating one banana would be greater than that from the Japanese nuclear reactors. 6000 miles is simply too great a distance for the radiation to maintain any significant concentration.

While the reactor meltdown is a concern, this incident is nowhere near as bad as the Chernobyl incident, which poisoned the surrounding area with nuclear fallout and caused the deaths of at least 50 people. We should not allow emotion and fear to lead us into rash behavior and abandon our successful nuclear program.

Counterpoint: Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die!

by Hugh Jass, Professional panic-stirrer and New York Times correspondent

Did you hear that? There's a giant cloud of nuclear waste heading towards the United States! It was caused by a catastrophic nuclear explosion--think mushroom cloud--which is due to the total meltdown of several nuclear reactors in Japan.

The radioactivity is being carried by winds to the west coast of the US, which will sometime today be completely enveloped in the noxious cloud! Everyone run for the hills! Shortly after, the cloud will creep over the rest of the states, and people in New York will be dropping dead in the streets by next week!

Quick, everyone buy up all the Potassium Iodide tablets you can! Only that can save you from the fallout which will likely cause a nuclear winter!

This is the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl! Everyone abandon nuclear power--wait, that isn't enough. We should abandon electricity altogether, since it was the melting of the polar ice caps caused by global warming that caused the tectonic shift that started the earthquake to begin with! This is all the fault of Big Oil! Come get your pitchforks, torches,and Potassium Iodide!

And run for the hills!

This May Be the First Time I've Ever Agreed with a Clinton

"Obviously, she’s not happy with dealing with a president who can’t decide if today is Tuesday or Wednesday"

Full article

Of course, Obama can't decide if it's Tuesday or Wednesday on a Sunday.

And for a limited time only, two links for the price of one!

Idiot of the Day/Week/Month

On Wednesday, church founder Robert H. Schuller said he strongly disapproved of the covenant [which states that Crystal Cathedral ministries preaches chastity] because it goes against what he has built his church upon.

"I have a reputation worldwide of being tolerant of all people and their views," he told the Orange County Register. "I'm too well-educated to criticize a certain religion or group of people for what they believe in [further evidence for Dennis Prager's maxim that the more time you spend in college, the dumber you get]. It's called freedom."

Full article

(So what, exactly did he build his church upon? A wise man builds his church on the Rock.)

Reminds me a of a certain adjunct community college professor.

I will not tolerate intolerance!

Goodnight, Sleep Tight, Don't Let Order 66 bite

"What were you doing last night?" The Murloc asks me.

"Hm?"

"When I came into the room to give you a goodnight kiss?"

I give her a dear-in-the-headlights look.

"You were, like, flailing. I was just giving you a goodnight kiss."

"Oh! That. I have a good reason."

She cocks an eyebrow.

"I thought you were a clone trooper."

In my defense, she did wake me up, and all I could see was a strange dark shape looming above me. I was a little disturbed that a clone trooper would try to give me a goodnight kiss, but I also felt rather safe and reassured, knowing no battle droids would harm me while I slept.

I guess that's what happens when you read Star Wars novels before bed.

F.U. News Mailbag: Pi Day Edition

So last December, I received this email, which I'm sure is from a scammer or spammer or some other nefarious person:

***Begin Transmission***

From: Pierce [If that is his real name] <*snip*>
To: JoeCool (at) gmail (dot) com
Date: Fri, Dec 17, 2010 at 4:21 AM
Subject: I love your blog! [This is how I know he's up to no good; no one who is not related to me biologically or through marriage, a former college roommate of mine, or my confirmation sponsor, loves my blog]

Hi Joseph Belland, [Not only is he evil an untrustworthy, but he's also a mind-reader! How else could he know my full name? Maybe he's a Sith. Oh, wouldn't that be cool to have an evil Sith who's stalking me via my blog?]

I really enjoyed reading your blog. [More lies!] In particular, I liked your link to the Pi Song (2007) and the 10,000 Pi digits (2006) [Okay, those were kinda cool]; you offer up some great suggestions on how to celebrate Pi Day as well! [Well, thank you, evil Sith lord!]

I just finished this cool infographic on Visualizing Pi and thought you might be interested. You can check it out here: http://www.onlineschooling.net/visualizing-pi.

I thought your readers might enjoy the graphic and wanted to see if you would consider posting a link to it from your blog [I'll consider it, but no promises]. Let me know what you think of it.

Thanks! Pierce

Pierce Brown Online Schooling.net *snip*@sreducationgroup.org

***End Transmission***

What do I think of it, eh, Pierce? I think I don't have to worry about content for Pi day this year!

That and the graph is pretty cool. You should check it out, but for the fact that Pierce is probably an evil scammer Sith lord, and visiting his site will download Dark Side midichlorians to your computer that will fry your CPU, erase your hard drive, and steal your personal information, in that order. Such is the power of Dark Side midichlorians. That and they have the ability to make thousands of fan boys cry out in terror.

What I found most interesting was the part about how many significant digits are required to compute various accuracies of circles. Of note: 39 digits can compute the circumference of any circle within the observable universe to the width of a hydrogen atom. Looking up the width of a hydrogen atom in Planck lengths (3.1x10²⁴) on Wolfram Hart Alpha, tells us that 63 digits of pi would be the theoretical limit to accuracy. Meaning any more digits of pi past 63 could not, in any physical way, give you a more accurate measurement. And yet pi is infinite. Trippy, huh?

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Update on the Little One

So Damien's learned a new word... "Yoda". We start them young.

You ask him "Where's Yoda?" and he runs and gets his little Yoda toy.

* * *

He's also putting his analytical engineering mind to work, trying to unlock the secrets of the remote. After his Mickey Mouse cartoon ends, he runs to the table, pulls out a chair, climbs on it, reaches for the cable box remote in the center of the table, points it at the TV and starts mashing buttons. He knows it's used to start Mickey Mouse, it's just a matter of figuring out how.

Top baby scientists are hard at work on these pressing concerns.

* * *

He's also learning inflections. One way to decipher his babblings is by listening for the inflection. "Duh-duh-duh?" with an upwards inflection means "May I have it?" "Duh duh!" with a downwards inflection means "thank you!" and is usually said when he's giving something or after he's given something.

He also counts, in this fashion. We started playing a game with him, where we'd count to three then drop him on the couch. Now he does it himself. He stands on the tables behind the couch (see, climbing), and counts "duh? duh? DUH!" and throws himself onto the cushions. Sometimes he hilariously rolls feet over head onto the floor. Hilarious for me, at least. He doesn't think it's funny.

* * *

Another one of his favorite tricks is pretending to drink from a cup. A few weeks ago, we were at a friend's house. My friend took a big drink from her water bottle, then set it down with a gasp of refreshment. Damien decided to imitate. With the bottle cap on, he tilted the bottle way back, set it down and said "Ahh!" He now does this all the time, particularly when the Murloc or I am drinking. We'll give him one of his sippy cups to pretend to drink out of. He tosses it back, slams it down and gasps "Ahh!"

But he still won't actually drink from anything other than a bottle.

* * *
He's also learned the throw temper tantrums. Hilarious temper tantrums. He throws himself on the floor, screams, and bangs his head on the floor. Then he really screams, because it hurts to bang your head on the floor. For all his smarts, he still doesn't have much common sense.

On Desserts, and the Lack Thereof

I think for me, the hardest part of Lent--harder than not posting stupid trivialities to Facebook, or pwning n00bs in Medal of Duty: Modern Battlefield Assault--is the constant feeling of hunger. Not from fasting, or lack of food, or lack of meat. Simply from the lack of sweets. My body seems to have some mechanism, in which I don't actually feel satisfied until I've had dessert. It doesn't have to be much. But the sugar somehow tells my brain, "ok, you're done eating now." Without that trigger, I never feel satisfied, no matter how full I get.

The mechanism for this was always clear to me, as a child, and yet my mother, for some reason, needed to be schooled in the basic principles. I clearly remember one dinnertime meal when I informed her that-after having finished the meat or pasta or whatever we were having, and leaving the vegetables untouched--I was completely stuffed, and couldn't possibly eat another bite. Of course, it was entirely coincidental that I happened to fill up right before getting to my veggies.

Shortly afterwards, the ice cream came out for those good boy and girl who had cleaned their plates. I informed my mother of me desire for ice cream, too. "But how can you have any ice cream when you're so completely stuffed full?"

She thought she had me, but that was really only a sign of her ignorance. I, of course, being the good, charitable little boy that I was, corrected her error, and informed her about the basic anatomical lesson that all little boys who wanted dessert but not vegetables knew. "My dinner pipe is full, but my dessert pipe is still empty." I mean, duh. How could she not know about the different pipes where food was stored? How could she not know that dessert went into a different bodily compartment than dinner?

Sheesh.

So for Lent...

Giving up the usuals:

• Sweets
• Hot Chocolate
• Soda
• Alcohol
• Vidjamagames (including especially Bejeweled for iPhone)
• The Internet

Extra practices:

• Reading; set aside time for both spiritual reading and fun reading each day
• Writing; set aside time for writing (blogging or fiction) whenever possible
• Floss every day
• Daily rosary

Aside from that, I'm not sure what else to do. Ideally, Lent ought to be used to deepen the practice of one's faith. Last year, I got into the habit of daily mass (which, amazingly, I've kept up for a whole year). I'm not sure how to build on that. I suppose I could get up a half-hour earlier and join the Norbertines for morning prayer, but I'm reluctant to do that because I'd either have to go to bed earlier, which would cut into wifey time (as it is, we only have about an hour together after Damien goes to bed), or I'd be even more tired at work. Maybe I'll save morning prayer for Fridays only.

I've never been one for New Year's resolutions, mainly because I do that during Lent. I also try to use this time to focus on one aspect of life where I need personal improvement. In past years, I've focused on driving and given up changing lanes and speeding. There was also that one year where I resolved to be more patient and trusting of God's providence, and we all know how that ended, even if I still don't manage to live by the lessons I learned. What? I've never told that story on this blog? Well, remind me to tell it sometime.

This year, I'd like to focus on coming out of my shell, being more involved and helpful to others, and not just be such a flaming huge introvert. How bad my introverted tendencies are was driven home last week when, as I was leaving the parking lot after morning mass, I noticed that another car had a flat tire. I was about five blocks away before I realized that the proper response would have been to, y'know, wait for the person to tell him his tire was flat (it was the passenger-side, rear, so it would be unlikely he'd know) and offer to help change it, or at the very least leave a note so he wouldn't drive away. When I got to work, all I could imagine was hearing an announcement the next day about some poor parishioner who died in a fiery auto crash when his tire shredded on the highway at 80 mph, and oh, if only he could have known his tire was flat! But, of course, for me, it's a toss up between the guilt of walking away from someone in need and, y'know, talking to someone I don't know. Actually, it's not a toss up. I would much prefer just to walk away. Which, perhaps, is a problem that ought to be worked on.

Unfortunately, "be less shy" doesn't exactly meet Fr. Philip's criteria of a good resolution, that it must be specific, practical, and renewable. Choosing a specific goal would seem to be in order. I think, though, that God, in his infinite patience and providence, already has a goal in mind. I'm getting faint hints that maybe I ought to involve myself more in parish life.

Being friends with the priests of the parish is always a good idea. I'm reminded of my parents and Fr. McHugh, who, if he saw the trademark two-tone blue van, would sometimes wait around for Mass to let out so he could invite us up to his apartment for tea. That kind of fraternity with priests is a wonderful thing for children, especially boys, to grow up with, and I'd love for Damien and Anthony to be familiar with the priests of their parish.

(While we're on the topic, I've also always been envious of my mother's ability to start a conversation with anyone, anywhere, at any time. That is, alas, an ability I do not have. My attempts at engaging strangers usually end up with stupid chit chat and awkward pauses.)

But anyways, faint hints. At the parish ministry fair several months ago, one of the ushers asked if I would be interested in becoming an usher. I said I'd think about it, which was true, but I never acted upon it because that would involve two fears: talking to strangers and telephones. The usher, and Irishman named Dennis, gave the selling points for usherhood: most were Knights of Columbus, and they were all drinking buddies. Last Sunday, the Knights had a booth set up outside church and one of them approached me specifically and asked if I had thought about joining them (why yes, I have, as a matter of fact). He gave me the details of an informational meeting they'd be having soon. At the same mass, Father Philip announced, for the third consecutive week, that the Latin schola would be putting on a concert and they were looking for more singers. After mass, Mrs. Bainbridge, who also sings in the Schola, stopped me to chat, and of course at one point we began talking about the Schola (how did we sound this week?) and mentioned their desperate need of male voices. As if that wasn't enough, after Ash Wednesday mass, instead of rushing back to my car, I stopped to check out the booth of Crusade Catholic Stores, which was selling books. They had two I wanted, Light of the World, and Unplanned. While waiting to buy them, I ended up chatting with the lady next to me, who, as it turns out, sings in the Schola. And to top it off, the Schola Mistress was right next to my car, and I ended up chatting with her and may or may not have accidentally volunteered to help with their concert. (She actually wanted me in Schola at Sunday mass, but I explained I had a little one, with one on the way, that need supervision.)

So I don't know what any of this means, or where it will lead. I don't know if I'll be an usher, or a Knight, or sing in Schola. I just think that, maybe, I should follow this path that's been laid out before me, hold out my hand for Our Lady to lead me, and see where I end up. That's the great lesson I learned during Lent in Austria and Rome.

But that's another story. Remind me to tell it sometime.

Quaestiones

Question 1: Whether Blogging Is Permissible when One has Given Up the Internet for Lent.

Objection 1. It would seem otherwise, since the blog itself, and the means of posting to it, reside on and require access to the Internet, respectively.

Objection 2. Furthermore, merely writing the blog posts offline in a word processor, then uploading them on Sunday would also violate this resolution, since the essential nature of the promise--to avoid the frivolous use of time on the Internet during Lent--is still broken by spending time on a pursuit that has as its natural end a form of communication that requires the Internet.

On the contrary, blogging is not essentially different from writing for printed media, which is a worthwhile and non-trivial pursuit, and not covered by any promise to give up the Internet for Lent.

I answer that, the vow to give up the Internet during Lent is a shorthand method of stating "giving up frivolous pursuits using the Internet," which the Philosopher surely would have agreed is one of the primary usages of the Internet. However, especially for one who has vowed to spend more time writing during Lent, blogging is not necessarily a frivolous pursuit, so long as care is taken to avoid the Five Lowest Forms. In fact, for one who has promised to spend more time writing, a blog is no different than any other media for the promulgation of the written word.

This simplistic understanding of the prohibition of the use of the Internet during Lent, in fact, stands as an obstacle to one who must write more, especially if his primary word processor is an online application. Clearly, one can promise to write more and also simultaneously not waste time on the Internet.

This is particularly evident for one whose job requires use of the Internet and email. Since his Lentent penance cannot supersede his duty to use the just fruits of the Internet to do his job, it can clearly be seen that giving up the Internet for Lent does not include all uses of the Internet, but merely those that are contrary to productivity.

Reply to Objection 1. While blogging does indeed use the Internet in myriad ways, both as a means of creating the content (form) of the blog post, and of posting the content for others to read (matter), this usage of the Internet can promote a self-betterment and more effective use of time, which is not what is intended to be avoided when one gives up the Internet for Lent.

Reply to Objection 2. That blogging is not essentially different from other forms of the written word seems to lend credence to the idea that blogging is allowed to one who has given up the Internet for Lent. If an act is no different from another act, any prohibitions against the one ought apply to the other, and should the first be acceptable, so ought the second.

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