Point/Counter-Point.
FU-News 4 years/500 posts.

November 20th marks F.U. News' 4th anniversary, and with more than 495 posts already, the coming 500th post marks another milestone. We asked two leading experts what they think.

Point: Four years is quite a near-accomplishment.
By Leeroy Jenkins.
Wow. Four years, huh. That's, like, twenty years in internet time. Seems pretty incredible that Joe's been able to stick with anything that long. I mean, that's longer than he's been married. That's as long as he was in college. That's as long as some presidential terms. Who'd have thought Joe would have had an attention span that long? I mean, I figured he'd just get bored and forget the whole thing after a year or so. But to come up with consistently mediocre ideas and half-baked articles for four years? That takes... what's the word? Not skill, no. No, not talent either. Um. Averageness?

Counter-point: Psh. Four years is nothing. Now 500 posts, that's almost something.
By Gordon Frohman.
Whoopdie-freaking-do. Four years. That means... what? The Earth has crossed the same point four times since he made his first post? Big deal. Now 500 posts, that's almost an accomplishment. Being able to pull 500 nearly-coherent thoughts from that empty skull of his is nothing short of incredible. I mean, that's like one thought for every mile in the Indy 500. Can you imagine a driver going around the track and every time he crosses the finish line, he makes a blog post? I didn't think so. Joe can. Because he's had 500 thoughts in his life time. Now that's just shy of impressive.

Rebuttal:
LJ: Yay. 500 posts. Who freaking cares. It's only significant in base ten. No one cares about 1F4h posts, now, do they? And he's only done what, half of them? Three quarters at best. And the last couple hundred have been nothing but pictures of his cats and links to sites BBspot linked to first. Wow. Such originality. You'll pardon me if I don't swoon with excitement. Now four years. That's quite the, um, quite the thing.

Counter-rebuttal:
GF: Go soak your head. No one cares how long he's been doing it. All that matters is that the number is BIG and ROUND. Four is neither. And who uses base sixteen anyways?

At this point, the debate degenerated into a cartoon-style swirling ball of limbs.

True Tales from Customer Support.

The Murloc writes

LOL! directly from one of our customers that a rep on my team just helped: (first off, they needed to call tech, but they called us instead... L2R)
Customer: "It's asking for disk 2 and I hit ok, and it doesnt like it."
Rep: "did you put in disk 2?"
Customer: "no, should I?"

Here are some emails we have received from customers (obviously translated through Babelfish, quite badly at that):
"The answer is the correct password, and my electronic fuel tanks fail to receive your letter"
"My numbered account throws to lose because my PC suffered the attack of the wood horse procedure,"
There are definitely bright moments to this job.

Portal: The Flash Version.

For those of you who don't have Valve's Orange Box, you can experience all the thrills and puzzle solving of Portal with none of the good graphics and GLaDOS humor!

Link.

Uncle Arnie Kills People!

From the greatest action flick evar: Commando.

Photo Caption Contest

Think of the best caption for this picture, and you could* win a prize!




















*As with all F.U. News contests, the winner gets squat.

Because Mrs. Pickles Asked For It.



Now that you've listened to it. You can't unlisten to it.

Scientific Theories Renamed.

As Calvin so famously observed, scientists lack creativity. They can imagine all the matter in the universe exploding out of a point smaller than the head of a pin, but they can't come up with a more creative name than "the Big Bang". He then so creatively renames it "the Horrendous Space Kablooie".

With that in mind, I think we need to get to work renaming the more boringly-named scientific theories. I'll give some current theories' names, a description of the theory, and some other suggestions. Feel free to throw in your contributions in the comments.

Giant Impact Hypothesis (Wikipedia).
This ultimately-cool scientific hypothesis states that the formation of the moon resulted after a roughly Mars-sized planet, called "Theia", which formed in Lagrange point 4 or 5, and when the Earth was only a few dozen million years old, struck the Earth at an oblique angle. Much of Earth's and Theia's mantles were thrown off into space; Theia's core sank into Earth's core; And about two percent of Theia's mass ended up as a ring around the earth, which, over the next hundred years coalesced into the moon. This helps to explain certain things, such as why the moon orbits the Earth at roughly Earth's equator, and certain similarities in composition between the Moon and Earth.
Possible new names:
The Most Hugely Gigantic Explosion in the World.
Inter-planetary Billiards.
Impact! When Worlds Collide: A New Film by Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer.

Supermassive Black Holes (Wikipedia).
Nevermind that "black hole" is a boring-enough term for what it names, but now scientists think that most, if not all, galaxies have formed with a black hole between a hundred thousand and ten billion times the mass of the sun in the center. Interestingly, the density of said black holes may be less than that of air, since the volume of the black hole increases as the cube of the radius, while the mass increases merely linearly.
Possible new names:
The Stupendously Huge Pit of Doom.
The Inescapable Ball of Suck.
Unicron: Destroyer of Worlds.

Velociraptor (Wikipedia).
In recent news, paleontologists have discovered that Velociraptors had feathers. This was shown by the presence of quill knobs on the fossils. What's interesting to note is that quill knobs are not usually found in flightless birds today, which indicates that at least the ancestors of dromaeosaurids could fly. So now we have the most fearsome predator ever to stalk the Earth, and which, possibly, could fly. And the only name they can come up with for it is swift thief. (Yes, yes, I know. The Velociraptors in Jurassic Park were actually Deinonychus, which means a slightly-more fearsome "terrible claw".)
Possible new names:
Vicious, Bloody Killers of the Late Cretaceous.
Winged Doom.
Death by Sharp Pointy Teeth.

Intelligent Design (Michael Behe's Amazon.com blog, because I don't trust Wikipedia on this one).
So most scientists claim to love how science challenges belief. They love to point to examples like that of their Saint Galileo, who nobly and heroicly stood up against the Evil Catholic Church, which was doing its utmost to force ignorance on the masses to keep any sort of learned men from challenging the house-of-cards that is Christianity, for the slightest challenge to any of its teachings would make it collapse (the actual story of Galileo is not nearly as dramatic; the Catholic Encyclopedia has a good explanation of what really went on with that whole Church-Galileo-Geocentrism thing). But heaven help you, should you challenge their beliefs. For instance, even though any decent mother's son what calls himself a scientist will acknowledge that scientific theories are ever changing and, erm, evolving, its best not to rile them by suggesting that Darwinsim doesn't explain everything and the theory might do well with some changing and, erm, evolving.
Possible new names:
And God Said, Let It Be Complex.
Not The Same Thing as Creationism.
Eat It, Darwinists.

I must be an incredibly evil person that articles like this delight me. "Oh, good," I say to myself. "One step closer to the inevitable market collapse, after which I will finally be able to afford a home."

Patrick Stewart continues to be awesome

From a British sitcom about extras. The best part is at the end. (Crudity warning: contains dialog about naked women)

Holy Crap These Guys Are Funny

I don't know if any of you have ever been to Barats and Bereta before, but I just stumbled on them today and nearly peed myself (I seem to be getting old...). Anyhow, in case you've never seen them, here is a sampling of there humor. It seems very reminiscent of college videos like the ones that Joe and I did.

(links warning: some of their videos contain language/crudity [yes, it is a word because I say it is])