Joe's 10-Oct Most-used Quotes.
10. "Ow. My blood hurts."
7. "Says you and the soulless minions of orthodoxy."
6. "I must obey the inscrutible exhortations of my soul."
5. "Joe no function food/sleep well without."
4. "I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a Whale Biologist."
3. "This is so cool I have to go to the bathroom."
2. "Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"
1. "As long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony."
Notes on usage:
ReplyDelete"Says you and the soulless minions of orthodoxy": This phrase originates from an Episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The character who says it claims that the reason you die is because your cells get bored. He is trying to invent a device to entertain one's cells. He makes occaional vague references to the "soulless minions of orthodoxy" who doubt his work.
As such, the proper use of this phrase is to show a disregard or contempt for the way things are normally done, particularly to defend a way of doing things that most would consider irrational, impossible, or just plain dumb.
Ex:
"You need to make a right at the light."
"Okay."
"You're in the left turn lane."
"I know."
"You need to be in the right lane to make a right turn."
"Says you and the soulless minions of orthodoxy."
"What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
"By putting baking soda, rice, pasta noodles, and vinegar in a blender?"
"Yes, exactly."
"Um. I don't think that's how you bake a cake."
"Says you and the soulless minions of orthodoxy."
(If this list was in decimal or hexadecimal, one of the quotes may have been "Yes, Exactly!" This is usually followed by "hazy, like the moors of Scotland? Yes, Exactly!")
"I must obey the inscrutible exhortations of my soul": From Calvin and Hobbes, Hobbes asks Calvin why he is trying to catch a frog. Calvin replies that he "must obey the inscrutible exhortations of his soul." This phrase is used in response to a query of why one is performing an action, when one really can't think of a good reason, aside from one wants to. It can also be used to defend an illogical or pointless action.
Ex.
"I'm going to spit off this bridge and see if I can get my saliva to hit a car below."
"Why would you do that?"
"I must obey the inscrutible exhortations of my soul."
"I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a Whale Biologist": This can be shortened to just "Whale Biologist" and can either be applied to yourself to defend a very blunt statement or to comment on another who has just made a blunt and perhaps inflammatory statement. Note that the statement does not have to be true, just blunt.
This phrase originates from a Futurama episode. In the episode, everyone gets a $300 tax rebate, which all the character spend in different ways. Leela, chooses to use hers to buy a ticket to swim with a sperm whale named Mushu. Meanwhile, Kiff buys Amy a watch, which Amy drops into the whale's tank while flying above it, and the whale eats it. Leela hatches a plan to stuff her swimsuit full of rotten fish so the whale will eat them an get sick, vomiting the watch. When she shows up for her appointment to swim with Mushu, the whale biologist informs her that she's "lumpy and smells awful". He then defends this statement by saying "I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist." After Leela swims with the whale (and in the process, loses her swimsuit), the Whale Biologist informs her "the suit was ugly. Whale biologist."
Usage example:
Pat Buchanan: "What you have is 12 million illegal aliens engaged in a massive act of extortion."
Me: "He's a whale biologist."
Party-goer, at party with many women (loudly): "Is it me or are all women stupid? Whale biologist."
"Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?": I don't know where this phrase originated, but it's usage is after someone has just ended a tirade or rant about how upset they were with a person or event. Sometimes, but not always, denotes a lack of caring or interest in the person's rant.
Ex.
"Omigosh, I just had the worst day. The dry cleaners ruined my blouse, I got pulled over by a cop for speeding when I was only going five over the limit, I broke a heel on my shoe, and Bob from accounting deleted my last three weeks of work."
"Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"
"As long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony": From a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon, in which Susie, upset with Calvin for making her feel bad, wishes that she had a hundred friends, and wouldn't need Calvin. She follows this up by saying "and as long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony," as a commentary on how wishfully far-fetched her dream is. Usage for this phrase is to point out the wishfulness and unlikeliness of one's or another's statement.
Ex.
"It would be nice if Blizzard fixed Arcane Missiles in the next patch."
"As long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony."
"I hope the Democrats get serious about national security. And as long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony."