Hi from 29 Palms!
Everything here is an acronym. In fact everything is an acronym with computers too. I must be cursed. Dad and Joe Belland have to know my problem. I'll give you an example of how these darn worlds collide.

Acronym: EGA
For the USMC it means Eagle Globe and Anchor
For the computer world it means Extended Gfx Adapter 16 Color Video

Acronym: BMP
For the USMC it means some kind of enemy vehicle
For the computer world it means A Bitmap, A Picture

It gets worse too. Some times the USMC is dislexic (no, I have no idea hot to spell lisdexic). Take BAH - Basic Housing Allowance. How did they mess that up and why has no one fixed it yet? And then there are the really jacked up ones like ANPEQA2. Not a clue. But it can lead to some fun with Privates and PFC's (Private 1st Class). You can send them to admin to request an eye-dee-ten-tea form which when you spell it out is id10t. Or send them to supply for a bee-A-eleven hundred-en or a ba1100n. SSgt (Staff Sergeant) Gray has been known to take a rubber glove, blow it up, tie off the opening and hand it to the stupefied private. The worst one requires a little setup:

I'm a Cpl (Corporal) or an E4 which means I'm enlisted and at a pay grade 4. If someone said, "I need an E4" in a room of mixed service members (Army, Navy, Air force, and/or Marines in one room) I might stand and volunteer for whatever. The highest enlisted pay grade in our company is an E9, a 1st Sgt. We have a sophisticated field radio called an AN/PRC-119, which we simply say prik-119 when we are talking about it. So any way, it's fun to send a private up to admin to ask, "Do you have a prik-E9?" Poor kid has no idea what hell is about to be unleashed.

Note: Please no one send packages until I arrive at whatever firm base in Iraq. I'll let you know some time mid to late March when I get there. But everyone please do send pics. Would like to know what the heck I'm fighting for. Not to mention I am now the official Marine Corps Dating-Marriage Service. I'm on a mission to weed out the bad ones and hook up my sister-in-law up with the best, most morally and spiritually acceptable Marine. So whoever wants to date-marry a Marine, who I might add is defending your right to be single and lonely (just kidding), send pics and an address where he can write you back. Keep in mind it might take me a little while to find GOOD marines. Guys, if you want to send pics too, we have some Navy docs here whom I'm sure would love to date you.

Now for individual and group messages:
The Carpenters: Miss you guys. How's Jay doing in the academy? Hope the computer/internet hasn't crapped out (or how are you reading this?) I don't think my CO (Commanding Officer) would understand If I had to go to Florida to fix a computer. If anything broke, I swear it wasn't me. If the Yellow Dart and My Other Girlfriend want Marine dates, Please send pics with the understanding it may take months to fund a guy whose good enough to date you.

Carie: How's the wedding plans? Please don't stress Carie. I know most brides do, but just remember with the exception of you, Sam and the priest, everything else is window dressing. Don't get locked into the "must be perfect" mind set. It should be perfect, but it might not be. Nothing no matter how imperfect should be allowed to stress you or put you down on what is unavoidably going to be the happiest day, week, month, and year of your life. Wish I could be there. Please send me pics when you get back from your honeymoon.

Joe, Anne Marie, Dave, and all the Bellands: As I write this, I'm only a couple of hours away from you. 29 Palms, Ca is somewhere near the NV border. Marines here talk about wanting to go to Vegas. I don't think we'll actually get a chance to leave or have people visit at all. That is the current word. Too bad, would have loved to have seen you all. Dave, you working with Gulf Coast? How's that coming? Hope to see you when I get back. You are all welcome to the house in Florida. Oh yeah, where's my coke? And nobody here believes the accuracy you, Joe, had with an air gun . . . 100 Ft . . . moving target . . . behind cover and concealment . . . right to my neck . . . you suck. I'll try and replicate that shot when I'm in Iraq.

CTL Guys: Out here conquering. Keep me in your prayers and pray especially that I never be asked to demonstrate the greatest act of love. I'm talking with a Marine who is just now having a conversion. Keep him in your prayers and pray I can help him 'till we get a gosh-darn Catholic Priest here. Lutheran chaplains are all we got at the moment

SOL Gals: You gals are all freaking gorgeous. Miss you all. Someone let Emily (formerly Foster), Gretchen Wagner, Bethany Croteau, Suzanne Valier, and Lee know about this because this is for them as well. Emily, is Nick out of the USMC? How are you two doing? Lee, how are you and John? Gretchen, Bethany, and Suzanne, I'm praying for all five of you when I do my rosaries. I know someone wants to date a Marine. Send a picture, but it may take a while to find a Marine that looks even half as good as I do. I make these cammies look pimp'in.

Todd Hartlieb: Gosh-dang it man, how do you spell that last name? It was easier when all I had to know to spell your name was how to spell my own. How's working at Disney? I hope to make regular visits to see you when I get back. What's your contact info? I'll send you turbans or something.

Mandy Lengyel: Mess with my wife in class? It's on now blondie! (Is it still blond? I don't know, I can't keep up.) You may be taller, but somewhere out there is a ladder I'm gonna climb and knock that smile off your pretty little face. Miss ya. Hey do me a favor and say high to Dr. Kovach, Dr. Burton, and Dr. Coleman. Also, make sure Ileana's always at class and not too down while I'm away.

Steph Puglia: Thanks again for that dinner. Maybe I'll see you again either in TX or in MI. Let me know how you are doing and when you move if ever while I'm here.

Emily Litson: Hey what's up? Remember your gonna show up here in Iraq and make a docudrama: Tom Adams - A Marine In Touch With His Feelings. I can even make pointless special effects to destroy and plot messages you try to convey. You like video hardware, you would love some of our secret gear. How's Jerry? Still crying at night? How about the baby? JUST KIDDING!!! I think I'm hysterical. Don't believe me? Ask my mom.

Chuck Wheeler: How the hell are you, sir? Are you a 1st Lt yet? How's Jessica and the kid? Still in Japan or have you been to the Mid East yet? Let me know. Would like to see you again, preferably under non-official circumstances. Right now I have a lot of different hats. Fire team leader, acting Squad leader at times, armory custodian, and Blue Force Tracker operator. Good stuff.

Josh and Mary: Thanks for that dinner before I left. It was delicious. I LOVE Alfredo sauce. Take care of Ileana when I'm gone, okay?

Jessie and Georden: Be a good boy! No giving your mom any sas. Are you even reading this? Anyhow, take care Jessie. Let me know how you're doing, especially after Sam's bro visits.

Penny Calmbacher and Dave Gresko: How are things going? I'll bring you back a sample of the combat ready laptops. These things won't break. Bet you I could find a Franciscan student who could. HA! I crack me up. Oh yeah, you're fired!

Tim, Mike, and the Gulf Coast Gang: I'm working on a concept to integrate journal data with video on an M16 mounted on a tripod. Every NO SALE for instance would result in an instant shooting. We could start with extremities and move to vital organs for repeat offenders. Hey if you want, I could still handle tech support. Tell Marla to mail me. Oh yeah, she'll have to send a picture too. HA HA HA! . . . tearing up . . . No really, I crack me up. Look forward to seeing you guys again.

Slash, Eddie, and Angus: If you guys are reading this, you guys rock and are keeping me sane. Why are you reading this? (These guys are members of Velvet Revolver)

Don Rumsfeld: Less armor! Less! This flak is freaking heavy! I have no mobility. Don't listen to complaining National Guardsman. Besides, that is our job, killing and complaining. If we are not complaining it means we are up to something.

Cindy Crawford: Sorry, but I love my wife.

Anybody I forgot: Sorry. Please mail me though. I'll try to write back. My next letter might not be for a long time.

End Transmission
*Posted by Ileana Adams on his behalf*

:-) (c)1982 Scott Fahlman

Thought this was interesting. The emoticon has a birthdate!

Smiley Lore :-)

Cross Sums

A little while ago, I realized something was missing in my life. There was a hole in my heart that was crying out to be filled. None of the things I tried to fill it with (drugs, alcohol, sex, family, religion...) seemed to help. Then one day, I realized what I was missing: Cross Sums.

For those of you (if any exist who read this blog) who are unfamiliar with Cross Sums, they are essentially Cross Word puzzles, but filled with numbers and the clues represent the sums of the numbers that fill in the squares in the row or column. They are in Dell puzzle magazines, and were a staple of my bathroom time until I moved out of the house and went to college. In college, mom would xerox (verbing weirds language) them and send them to me, but as there were no tables in the stalls in Marian Hall, I tended not to do them. But recently, I've found myself longing for their logical intrigue, especially since I have long, boring periods of downtime at work.

Being a cheap b------, I decided I didn't actually want to pay money for a Dell puzzle magazine subscription, and Dell refused my offers to sell them my wife for a life time subscription, so I remained Cross Sum-less. Then one day, I had a thought, as if a bolt of lightning struck my brain. Yeah, they tend to hurt. "Hey, I'm a CS major," I thought. "I could just write a computer algorithm to randomly generate a Cross Sum." An intriguing idea, my split personality agreed. So thus the work began. I rolled up my sleeves and dove into Visual Basic head first, after the initial struggles of coming up with how to generate a grid symmetrical to a point and guarantee that no runs are shorter than 2 or longer than 9, then getting my head round the recursive algorithm I was using to generate the random numbers to populate the grid, I had myself a bonifide, electrifide, genuine Cross Sum. What's it called? Cross Sum! One more time! Cross Sum. (< /simpsons >)

So, with great anticipation, I jumped into the puzzle and began solving it, only to discover that Dell puzzle magazine doesn't just throw together Cross Sums. Apparently, it requires actual work. The problem I immediately encountered with my random-number Cross Sum was that it was, well, random. There was no unique solution. You could pretty much put whatever numbers you wanted into the grid and get it to work out in the end. This somehow diminished the fun and logical challenge. Disappointed, I put down the Cross Sum and was ready to give up. This made the kittens cry.

Then while discussing the problem with Dave, he suggested an idea that might help make it possible. When I randomly generated a number for the grid, I made several checks on that number to make sure it would validly fit in the grid. How about if one of the checks was a unique solution? Before it could accept a particular placement of numbers in the grid, it would have to first check that the placement was unique. This shouldn't be hard at all! All I'd have to do is check to see if there are two solutions and, if so, change the numbers somehow to get rid of one of them. Solving the Cross Sum in an algorithm shouldn't be hard at all. In fact, it would be a very similar algorithm to generating. So with a renewed sense of eagerness, I dove back into VB, and began writing the algorithm to solve the Cross Sum I'd just generated to see if there are different solutions.

That's where the real problem comes. Technically this is entirely possible to do. Basically, to find out if there's only one solution, I have to test all possible combinations of the 9 digits in each square, do various tests to weed out the invalid digits, and make sure they add up properly. Put this in another recursive function and voila, I have my solving algorithm. The problem: each square has 9 possible digits, each of which I have to test for. The default grid size is 20x20 (400 squares). So that's 9^400 possible combinations, or 4.977 x 10^381. Assuming one clock cycle per digit, (when in reality it takes several hundred), it would take a 3.0 Ghz machine about 5.261 x 10^364 years to iterate through all possible combinations. Not good.

There are ways to simplify it. I can immediately rule out some digits (a 9 can't go in a 2-digit combination that adds up to 3, for example), so I can reduce the possibilities some there. Also, I'm not really solving for 400 squares. Minus the border and the internal blocks, it's really only about 250-300 squares. Assuming an average of 4.5 possible digits for each square, this bring down the number of combinations to no more than 2.010 x 10^163, which is solvable in a mere 6.373 x 10^155 years. Doing a little better. If I lower the grid size to 10x10, and assume about 30 internal blocks, for a total of around 50 squares, I have a paltry 4.577 x 10^32, solvable in only 14.52 septillion years (14.52 x 10^24). Just the blink of an eye.

Essentially, the problem is the number of combinations is an exponential function of the grid size, so the solving algorithm runs in exponential time, based on the size of the grid (or O(n) = (9-c1)^(n-c2) where c1 represents the average number of unusable digits, c2 is the number of blocks, and n is the size of the grid, for those of you interested in Big O notation). Is there a way to simplify it? Well, no one knows. Essentially, it runs in what is referred to as "Non-deterministic Polynomial Time", and as such this algorithm is a member of the set NP (the set of all algorithms solvable in Non-deterministic Polynomial Time). It's called this because each iteration of the loop runs in Polynomial time (which is faster), so if we arbitrarily choose (non-determinism) one iteration of the loop, we can run that in Polynomial time. But the larger the grid, the more (exponentially) iterations of the loop.

By contrast, an algorithm that increases more steadily as the independant variable increases is said to run in "Polynomial time". In our case, if we had a Polynomial time algorithm, the run time would be something more like O(n) = c*n^x. As n increases, the computational time increases at a more manageable rate. The set of these desirable, fast algorithms - those that can be solved in Polynomial time - is referred to as P. So in essence, to get a suitably quick Cross Sum generator with guaranteed unique solutions, I have to solve the problem of P=NP, one of the great unsolved problems in mathematics: is the set of algorithms that can be solved in Non-deterministic Polynomial time equal to the set of algorithms that can be solved in Polynomial time. Basically, can you convert an exponential-time algorithm into a faster polynomial-time algorithm? Most mathematicians believe the answer is no, but no one has ever been able to prove this definitely.

So now, the stakes for the Cross Sums generator are much higher. If I can write a quick program, not only do I fill a whole in my heart, but I also get the Nobel prize in Mathematics, millions of dollars, and a place in history as a great mathematician. Oh, and hot babes. All brilliant mathematicians had loads of hot babes.

BBspot Quiz

Which Website are You?

I'm ashamed to admit it.

I Need Naught but to Partake of Thine Magick Fire

Tidings to you, fair reeve of this place, from whence metal beasts take unto the skies, and within them convey those souls who seek to sojourn to strange lands and alien provinces. I greet you with the esteem and homage that is requisite one that surrender's his life to safeguarding those who, without thine help, would be hapless victims of the doom appointed them by evil men.

"What am I doing?" ask ye? Verily, I simply partake of the magick fire that flows forth from the aperture embedded upon this parapet, on which I rest mine weary back. Truthfully I tell thee that mine arithmetic counting machine, that zenith of new-fangled scientific learning, is nigh to the darkened death that befalls such contraptions, when sundered from a spring of magick fire for a dog's age.

"That is not allowed?" say ye? I must query the nature of such a law, for it is not born from God. I tell you, the worth of such magick fire as is consumed by mine machine of electronic wizardry is but a tuppence! It is of inconsequential cost to the denizens and taxpayers of this fair shire, in which I am forced to tarry until such time as the metal beast within which I shall be born yonder is prepared for the great odyssey of a thousand thousand paces to land of mine abode.

I only ask that I might but partake of thine magick fire for the time that I am forced to linger in this place. It seems an eternity has transpired, and were it not for mine machine of bewitchment with which I might be beguiled and enthralled, I would be compelled to madness by the tedium and stagnation.

But what of the lanterns that burn brightly in the rooftop through the bright of day and dark of night, providing those that dwell herein with guiding light, such that we do not stumble and falter as we would in the dark and disarray? Surely the worth of the magick fire put forth by said lamps is not inconsequential? Must I also surrender my ducats for the benefits bestowed by them? Then tell me, why prohibit me from partaking of the magick fire for other purposes?

Fie, I say! A pox on thee and thy kin! No more shall I travel to this shire, or allow mine earnings to profit those who would put forth a law not discernable through rationale, and not equitable by the laws of God or man.

Area Man Refuses to Worship Telephone Overlords

LONG BEACH, CA - According to sources close to him, Area Man Joe Belland refuses to bow down and worship our great Telephone Overlords, to whom all praise and attention is due.

According to an anonymous witness, who shall only be identified by the pseudonym Shmristine Shmacosta, "Joe has a serious problem about not devoting the proper attention to our great Telephone Overlords. After calling him approximately 483 times in a 10-minute interval, he stopped answering the phone! What's up with that? Does he not know that the Telephone Overlords are the most important appliances in our lives, and deserve our total and undivided attention? How could he possibly let a Telephone Overlord ring and not answer it immediately?"

Belland's wench, who will only be referred to by the pseudonym Shmanne Marie, also shared similar disgust, stating "I know he was simultaneously trying to cook dinner, watch TV, and cure cancer, but come on here! Priorities! The Telephone Overlords deserve nothing less than every moment of our waking lives! He should always answer it immediately, even when I call to tell him every time I pass a mileage marker, underpass, another car, or reflector in the road!"

Belland, who is obviously evil for allowing a Telephone Overlord to go un-answered, was quoted as saying "Come brethren, let us usher in a new era for the Answering Machine. Together, with this novel technology, we can throw off the yokes placed on us by the Evil Telephones and live in a time of peace, prosperity, and disconnection."

People From New Jersey "F-ing Slow"

OFFICE 1136 - According to the new loud, annoying Jerk in office 1136, people from New Jersey are "f-ing slow." Sources close to the Jerk, who was not identified by name, report that he conducted a phone interview with a person from New Jersey and concluded that he was "f-ing slow and should not try to hustle me because you're not quick."

In the official report released by the Jerk, he continued that, "we in Newport Beach drive fast cars and live in expensive houses because we're quick. You are f-ing slow, and as such, should not try to f-ing hustle me because it will not work."

This report follows closely on the heals of the Jerk's recent "I F-ing Fired You Because You Moved To San Diego" and "You Were Supposed To Set Up The F-ing Computers Here, But F-ing Outlook Doesn't Even Work; What Am I F-ing Paying You For?" reports. The Dow, which dropped 300 point after the previous two reports, climbed slightly to 10,630 on the report that people from New Jersey are "f-ing slow."

6 Files Suit Against 7
Cites 7's cannibalization of 9

Z⁺, R - The number 6 filed a class-action suit in set N superior court this morning, asking for $10 million in damages from the number 7 for "mental and emotional trauma resulting from when 7 ate 9."

The number 6's lawyer, Newton Standerwick of Standerwick and Schontz, issued the following statement: "for years, my client has been living in fear, affraid to participate in any equations or proofs, for fear that he may end up the next victim of the number 7, the brutal killer responsible for the death of our dear friend the number 9." The statement continues to say that 6 has spent many years and thousands of dollars on therapy, trying to overcome the grief and fear he has felt. "Only after he spent his life savings has my client been able to overcome his fears and take the right course of action; seeking damages against the nefarious number 7."

Other numbers have been quick to jump on the bandwagon. So far, 5, 10, 64, and 9's entire extended family {3*n, n ε Z⁺} have joined in the suit. Said the number 10, "9 was a very dear friend of mine. The only integer as close to me as he was is the number 11. I was so filled with sadness at his demise. I'm so proud that some number has finally had the courage to punish 7 for his wrongdoings."

7's lawyer, Wilton Shontz of Schontz and Standerwick, said at a press release, "my client was never found guilty of any alleged murder charges. This whole suit is a trumped up attempt to get even with 7. Everyone has known for years that both 6 and 9 were jealous of 7's standing as a prime number." When asked about the rumors that 7 killed 9, because he was jealous of 9's standing as a perfect square of a prime number, 7 burst out, saying "that [expletive] jerk! He had it coming! I should have [expletive] killed that [expletive] 6 along with 9!" After taking a moment to compose himself, 7 then said "Well, no number's perfect."

"Sesame Street," a program that has received a large sponsorship from the number 7, has stated that for the duration of the suit, they shall not accept any support, verbal, monetary, or otherwise, from the number 7. Said Children's Television Workshop spokeswoman Sanora Ruffini, "while we are not expressing any opinion or taking sides, we believe it is in our best interests to remain neutral until the matter can be resolved." The number 2 is expected to fill in for the number 7, although some are questioning whether 2 is over-extending himself, since he is also the base of the entire computer number system.

Cpl Adams Deploys to Iraq
Wonders if he left the iron on

Cpl Adams, Supreme Allied Commander for 3rd Squad, 3rd Platoon, Kilo Co 3/25, deployed to Iraq in March after months of urban and field training. A critical component in the war on terrorism, Cpl Adams is prepared for every possible scenario. Except he can’t remember if he left the iron on back in Florida.

Cpl Adams is part of a detachment tasked with seeking out possible insurgents in built up areas surrounding the northern city of Mosul, and he has made frequent contact with insurgents. Yesterday, Cpl Adams led a house to house search which resulted in sporadic gunfire leaving one insurgent dead and five taken into custody. “It’s all part of trying to gain intelligence in these regions” Adams told us. “That way we try to reduce the number of attacks on the locals and possibly gain that one critical piece of intelligence that might let us know if I let my iron on or not.”

Many Marines like Adams have been unable to contact family back home to let them know how they are doing. Adams himself has only once spoken with his wife since February. “She sounded good. She told me her family was doing well. But when I tried to ask her about the iron, the connection started getting all messed up. Sounded like ‘ooo …on’t …oose… rons ..om.’ I wish I knew because it makes it really hard to concentrate since I can’t think of anything else.”

Adams admits that in a fire-fight earlier that day he hesitated to give a command. Taking heavy fire from a bombed out school house to their right, Adams tried to take his squad around the block to a more advantageous position. Before crossing an open street, Adams hesitated to give an order to throw smoke grenades to obscure and confuse the enemy. “I couldn’t remember if my iron was on or off. It was driving me nuts.” That moment of hesitation cost Lcpl Moore dearly as he was shot in buttocks during the pause in the command. “I don’t blame Adams. We are all concerned about his iron. Besides Doc’ll have me patched up in no time and I’ll get back into the fight.”

I'd feel better discussing this with a Drill Instructor, but since Senator Kerry seems to find time lying heavily on his hands . . .

Dear Senator Kerry,

I am confused about Christian formation.

It states in the Kolbe Academy Policy Handbook that, in light of truths enumerated by the Pope in Familiaris Consortio, and in accordance with methodology developed by Saint Ignatius of Loyola, " . . . education is about formation, not information: formation of the child's will and assistance with the discernment of vocation." The handbook goes on to say, "Any educational effort that fails to form the will fails the student."

I recently received a letter from Trinity School which announced, "The development of character and Christian piety is not part of the mission of Trinity Schools."

So, what's up with that?


Please hurry,
Confused Mom

+++++++++++++
Respect Life



Dear Recruit,

Are we writing a letter during class? Holy fornicating monkey poop! Have you lost your friggin mind?! Do you need my help finding it!? Who on this Dog Gamn rat poop heap you call your home planet are you writing to? We are writing a letter to our senator? Senior Drill Instructor is going to love your caboose. Excuse me sir, I have a recruit here who wants to write his senator. Would you like me to read it out loud to our company commander? Very well.

“I'd feel better discussing this with a Drill Instructor” Oh don’t worry about that yoo-hoos. GO AHEAD AND LOSE YOUR BEARING IN FRONT OF ME TOO! You’re about as jacked up as a football bat, you nasty thing.

Come here college. You think you can write letters in class because you’re smarter than every other recruit. You went to college, didn’t you? “I”!?! “I”!?! How about ‘this recruit’. Or did they not teach that in college? Did they teach phys-ed in your college? Talk to me like you're my girlfriend too, nasty. Shut your suck. Start pushin. You will push until I am tired. Begin.

Where was I, Senior? Oh yes. “I am confused about Christian formation.” Recruit, do you believe in the Blessed Virgin Mary? You’d better get up and tell the platoon that you Dog Gamn do love the Blessed Virgin Mary! Get back on your face.

“In light of truths emniated by the Pope in Family Concert, and in accordion with methogdy developed by Saint Igneous of …” Some kind of nastiness. Recruit, are you some kind of butt crack nasty rocket surgeon? OH I KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST TALK TO ME ON YOUR FACE!!!

Get up! Shut your suck. You have 5 seconds to get to the other side of the room. Go, 5, 4, 1. Get back! 5, 1. No, get back! 5, 2, 3, 1. Get Back. Oh we want to get tired. Very well, we can play games instead. Mountain climbers, begin.

“Blah blah blah, I am huge monkey fornicating myself with a football who recently received a letter from Trinity School which announced, ‘The development of character and Christian pies is not part of the mission of Trinity Schools.’ So, what's up with that?”… “So what’s up with that?” Senior did you hear that? We must be back on the block with our boys. Apparently we haven’t learned a single thing from our Senior Drill Instructor all the time we’ve been here. We must be back on training day one. You must be trying to embarrass him in front of the company commander. Because of your nastiness I have to purge the entire platoon before you start to spread like a fungus. From now on you are all back on training day one. Platoon, say 'thank you'.

Allow me to answer your question in words that most of us understand: YOUR FIRST MISSION IS TO DO WHATEVER I TELL YOU! After that you next mission is to unfornicate yourself.

"Respect Life"? You're a killer! You will not respect life, you will rip the heart of your enemy with your bare teeth and you will like it. Do you like to kill? You'd better give me a war cry or you will be doing mountain climbers on every drill deck I can find in North America.

Get up. I swear to God, thing, every time I look at you I hear circus music. What foreign government sent you here to pollute my Marine Corps?

“This recruit don’t know, sir.” Wow, you’re as sharp as a fartsack full of doorknobs. See that rock over there. Pick it up. Put it in you left breast pocket because that is now your new ID card, bright one. Now get out of my sight before I claw my eyes out to relieve the pain.