Magdalene Harold Status Report*

Since we last checked in with our small-yet-pudgy heroine (if you will recall, that was at Christmas), a good deal has changed. In fact, she is not nearly the ball of lovable chubb she used to be. Mom and Dad have had to face the cold, hard reality of Maggie Lu’s shedding of the majority of her baby fat. That does not mean, however, that the Magger has lost her fondness for food. Far from it!!
Mags loves to eat. She especially loves Mommy’s Starbucks Iced Frappuchinos [sic].** Mags goes "mmmMMM" when she sees food that someone else has that she wants. Mommy has only driven through McDonald’s once before, but yesterday when Mommy went to get a snack from that fine establishment, the van had barely pulled up to the drive thru ordering station when Mags started singing "mmmMMM" in her hilarious little voice. While most people think the pool is for swimming, Maggie keeps a sharp watch while in the pool of the goings-on at the concession stand, intoning "mmmMMM" whenever she sees someone leaving with a hot dog or nachos. Maggie's love for eating doesn’t always extend to vegetables, but Daddy’s "airplane feeding" trick works every time (Mags especially likes it when Daddy precedes the dive-feeding with an intonation—in his best airline pilot voice—that "all tray tables must be in an upright and locked position"). How gullible!

One time, after Maggie and her 2 1/2 year old cousin Olivia had gone swimming, Daddy prepared a cheese and cracker snack for them at their little table (dinner was a few hours away). Though hungry, Olivia daintily nibbled at her cheese and crackers in a lady-like fashion. Magdalene Lucille, on the other hand, DEVOURED her cheese and crackers, all the while greedily eying the uneaten portion of Olivia’s snack! When Mags was done, she hopped of her chair and attempted to wrest the rest of Olivia’s cheese away from her! Mags was quite perturbed when Dad prevented the larceny.

Magdalene and Olivia’s relationship has changed quite a lot. In the past, Mags would kind of just tune Olivia out. Lately, however, they have started playing together (and they usually enjoy each other’s company). Before, Olivia was always the aggressor. Now, however, Mags can dish it out too. Exhibit A was, as reported above, Maggie’s attempt to steal food from Olivia. Exhibit B was when Kelly Gannon (Franciscan 2001, Ave Maria Law 2004) came over to play with them on the Fourth of July. Both girls really love Kelly. Mags had positioned herself on Kelly’s lap and was enjoying the buckets of attention that Kelly provides when Olivia came up to Kelly and wanted to sit on Kelly’s lap too. Mags started gesticulating wildly and shouting "nonononono." When Kelly nevertheless complied with Olivia’s demands, Maggie reached over and gave Olivia a sharp stinging pinch on the leg for good measure. Mommy was amazed that her sweet little girl could resort to such hooligan antics despite never being taught that a pinch hurts (or how to pinch, for that matter). Violence must just be a constitutive part of our human nature!

Maggie’s grandmother, who married into the Harold family, has always complained that Harolds can sometimes be like ostriches and attempt to just ignore problems. Maggie is living proof that Harolds do have ostrich-like tendencies. Recently, Maggie has taken to standing up, putting her hands flat on the floor, and then dropping her head to the floor in order to observe her bottom (which, though skinny, is still quite cute). She tried this in the bath once to deleterious effect.

None of the above should be taken as denigrating our cute little sweetie Mags. She is a wonderful joy, and pretty darn precocious for a 14 month-year-old. For example, she knows how to blow on her food when it is hot; utilize a large vocabulary, such as "pretty," "pool," "hot," "bounce," "peese" (when prompted to "mind her manners"), and "thank you" (she says it spontaneously when given something); push the stroller and/or shopping cart; and bark and wag her tongue like a dog (she also has a large repertoire of other animal noises). Her father just salivates at the prospect of using her cuteness for his own commercial gain.

THIS HAS BEEN A MAGDALENE LUCILLE HAROLD STATUS REPORT*



*DISCLAIMER: THIS REPORT IN NO WAY ATTEMPTS TO COPY, IMITATE, FOLLOW, REPRODUCE, PROCREATE, APPEAR LIKE, CONFORM TO, RESEMBLE, FOLLOW SUIT, SIMULATE, COUNTERFEIT, APE, FAKE, FORGE, MOCK, OR OTHERWISE CONSTITUTE A RIP-OFF OF THE WILDLY POPULAR EDY AND MAX UPDATES THAT ARE THE SOLE CREATION OF PHILIP J. HAROLD, Ph. D.

** For all of you who are now thinking about calling the Child Protection Services of Arkansas (CPSA), the iced frappuchinos [sic] are decaf! So buzz off!!