Condo Shopping.

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The Text Adventure Game.

Hello, and welcome to Condo Shopper: The Text Adventure Game. Your goal is navigate the worlds of the Southern California Condo Market and find the mythical and legendary AFFORDABLE CONDO.

World 1: Woodside Village Condominiums

Your goal for this world is to try and buy a condo. MLS indicates the Units for sale are 2501 K1, 2511 E9, 2511 G4, 2511 J14, 2521 N5, 2521 P3, and 2521 R8.

Start: You are in the parking lot. There is no parking.
-Wait for spot

You wait 5 minutes. No one leaves
-Exit lot

You drive out of the lot and onto Sunflower Ave. You see a spot on the street
-Parallel park

Your car is now parked, and the cars in front and behind are now dented.
-Exit car

Your party leaves the vehicle.
-Look

You are standing on W. Sunflower Ave., about 100 yards west from the entrance to Woodside Village Condominiums. Your party consists of you, your wife, and your mother-in-law/realtor.
-E

You are in the parking lot. 5 cars have left. There is a door at the north end with a callbox next to it
-look at door

The door is closed. There is a callbox next to it with a faded sign.
-read sign

The sign reads "for inquiries about properties, dial #93--". The rest is illegible.
-Dial callbox

What number do you want to call?
-Dial #9300

There is no answer
-Dial #9301

There is no answer
-Dial #9302

An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Ask Goblin about condo

"We don't want any" comes the Angry Goblin's reply. The callbox goes dead as the Angry Goblin hangs up.
-Dial #9302

An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Inquire with Goblin about condo

"I said we don't want any! And don't call back" comes the Angry Goblin's reply, before hanging up.
-Dial #9302

An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Sweet-talk Goblin about condo

"I warned you!" the Angry Goblin yells. A beeping is heard coming from the callbox, then in a brilliant flash of light and puff of smoke, the callbox explodes.
-Look

You are standing in front of a door. There is a faded sign and a smoking hole in the wall where a callbox used to be.
-Open door.

The door opens. It was unlocked to begin with. Maybe you should have tried that first?
-Enter

You walk through the door. You find yourself in a large, central area with a pool, a map, and vending machines. Obvious exits are SW, W, WNW, NNW, NNE, ENE, SE, and DENNIS.
-Get map

It is bolted to the ground.
-Look at map

It looks like this:

-SE

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-Look

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. You are surrounded by buildings, none of which are marked.
-N

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and S.
-E

You come to an opening. There is a pool and a flask here. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-Get ye flask

You cannot get ye flask.
-Look

You are in an opening with a pool and a flask. You can see a label that reads "K" on one of the buildings.
-Look at building

On closer inspection, you see that this building is 2501 K. There are four doors on the west side, numbered 1, 4, 5, and 8.
-Open door 1

It is locked.
-Look at door 1

There is a lockbox on the door knob.
-Open lockbox

It is locked.
-Use mother-in-law with lockbox

Your mother-in-law/realtor opens the lockbox and produces a key.
-Use key in door 1

The door opens! You go inside to find what can only be described as a dilapidated shack. The carpeting is torn. The walls are scratched in the places they don't have holes. The showerhead and faucet in the bathroom look like they're made of rust. The kitchen is on fire. There is a brochure on the kitchen table.
-Get brochure

You pick it up.
-Read brochure

The Brochure advertises the condo as a "rustic 2 bedroom, 2 bath home; a handyman's dream; motivated seller." The price listed on the brochure is $329,000 before remodeling, or $359,000 after remodeling.
-Leave in disgust

You leave the condo in disgust.
-Look

You come to an opening. There is a pool and a flask here. You can see a label that reads "K" on one of the buildings. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-SSW

You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. Exits are N, W, and S.
-Look

You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. One of the buildings has a label that reads "E". Exits are N, W, and S.
-Look at building

On closer inspection, you see that this building is 2511 E. There are four doors on the south-east side, numbered 1, 8, 9, and 16.
-Open door 9

As you approach door 9, a strange gnome opens it and looks quizzically at you.
-Ask gnome about condo

The gnome stairs at you quizzically.
-Ask gnome about entering

The gnome stairs at you quizzically.
-Ask gnome habla ingles

The gnome shakes it head.
-Use mother-in-law with gnome

Your mother-in-law/realtor begins jabbering away with the gnome in Spanish. After a long conversation, your mother-in-law/realtor informs you that you may enter.
-Enter

You walk inside to find a nicely kept, clean 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo. It isn't terribly big and the kitchen space is small; probably not even large enough to hold your medium size refrigerator. There is a bowl here.
-Get bowl

You got a bowl! Good for you!
-Offer gnome $300,000

The gnome laughs at you. "This condo is worth $379,000!" says the gnome. The gnome falls over, laughing.
-Leave in even more disgust

You leave the condo, in more disgust than last time. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E and W. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-W

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-N

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and S. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-N

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-W

You come to the large, central area. There is a pool, a map, and vending machines here. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use vending machine

The display on the vending machine shows a message: "Insert one dollar". Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine

You do not have a dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Inv

You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a towel, a brochure, and a bowl.
-Use five dollar bill in vending machine

The machine doesn't want that!
-Ask wife for dollar bill

Your wife doesn't have a dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Ask mother-in-law for dollar bill

Your mother-in-law/realtor gives you a stack of dollar bills. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine

The dollar bill goes half way in the machine, then is spit back out. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look at dollar bill

You are holding a dollar bill. It is green with a picture of George Washington. One of the corners is folded. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Flatten bill

Bill is in New York with his wife Hillary. You cannot flatten him.
-Flatten dollar bill

I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Straighten dollar bill

I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Unfold corner of dollar bill

With careful precision, you unfold the offending corner of the dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine

The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push Pepsi button

There is no button with that label.
-Look at vending machine

It is a standard vending machine. It has a big picture of a Coca-Cola on the front, with buttons for Coke, Diet Coke, Sierra Mist, and Water. A display indicates that the machine wants you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Push water button

A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands in an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle

You can't reach it. It's at the bottom of an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Curse and swear

I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine

You take another dollar bill from the unlimited stack your mother-in-law/realtor gave you and put it into the vending machine. The machine asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button

A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands in an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look at drain

There is an open drain in the floor, right in front of the vending machine. You can see two water bottles at the bottom, just out of reach. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Inv

You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a towel, a brochure, a bowl, and an unlimited supply of dollar bills.
-Use towel with drain

You place your towel over the drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.

The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button

A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Before you can pick it up, a Mexican janitor runs in, sweeps it up, and throws it in the trash. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle out of trash

You want to give your wife water from the trash? Man you must really not love her.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.

The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button

A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Before you can pick it up, a Mexican janitor runs in, sweeps it up, and throws it in the trash. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Stab janitor with Swiss army knife

You brutally murder the janitor. Weren't expecting that one to work were you? Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.

The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button

A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle

You pick up the water bottle. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Give water bottle to wife

"I don't want water. I want Sierra mist."
-Bean wife with water bottle.

Look buddy, you're already having enough marital problems, and you just killed a Mexican janitor. You probably don't want to go there.
-*sigh* Use dollar bill in vending machine.

The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Push Sierra Mist button

A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a Sierra Mist can comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get Sierra Mist can

You pick up the Sierra Mist can. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Give Sierra Mist can to wife

"I can't open it. Could you open it for me?"
-Open Sierra Mist can

As you pull the ring on the Sierra Mist can, a spray of soda pop flies out of the can and hits you in the face. You are wet and have half a can of soda.
-Give Sierra Mist can to wife

"No thanks. I don't have the hiccups any more."
-Re-evaluate marriage

You're still happier and better off with her.
-You sure?

Text Adventures don't lie.
-Look

You are in a large, central area with a pool, a map, and vending machines. Obvious exits are SW, W, WNW, NNW, NNE, ENE, SE, and DENNIS.
-NNE

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-Look

You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. One of the buildings has a label that reads "N". Exits are E, W, and S.
-Open door 5

You approach door 5. As you open the door, an Angry Troll yells at you from within. "We don't want any! Go away!"
-Ask troll about condo

"This condo is NOT for sale! Go away!" replies the Angry Troll.
-Show troll MLS listing

"That's building 2521 N. This is building 2511 N. Go away!" Replies the Angry Troll.
-Ask troll for directions

"Go Away!" replies the Angry Troll.
-Inv

You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a brochure, a bowl, an unlimited supply of dollar bills, and a half-empty can of Sierra Mist. (Not half-full. It's one of those days.)
-Give Sierra Mist can to troll.

The Angry Troll snatches the can from your hands. "Now listen closely. To get to building 2521 N, you need to go W, W, W, S, W, S, W. Now go away!" The Angry Troll slams the door in your face.
-W

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-W

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-W

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-S

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, W, and S.
-W

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-S

You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, W, and S.
-W

You come to an opening. There is a pool here. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-Look

You are in an opening with a pool. None of the buildings have any labels.
-Look at door

You see a group of doors, labeled 1, 4, 5, and 8
-Look at door 5

There is a lockbox on the handle
-Use mother-in-law with lockbox

Your mother-in-law/realtor opens the lockbox and produces a key.
-Use key with door

The door opens.
-Enter

You enter the condo. There is an Angry Hobgoblin here!
-Ask hobgoblin about condo

The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 10 points of damage!
-Attack hobgoblin

Your Swiss army knife shatter on the Angry Hobgoblin's Mithril armor. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 12 points of damage!
-Look

You are in a condo with an Angry Hobgoblin. There is a stick on the floor. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 9 points of damage!
-Get stick

You pick it up. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and crits you for 20 points of damage!
-Attack hobgoblin with stick

No effect. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 10 points of damage! You have been killed. As you die, you realize that you probably shouldn't have left your towel at the vending machines. You may have been able to throw the towel in the Angry Hobgoblin's eyes to blind it.

You have lost. You examined 2 of 13,480 condos. You scored 34 out of a possible 1,048,561 possible points. Better luck next time.

---GAME OVER---

Inspirations:
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Adventure Game
Homestarrunner.com
Woodside Village Condominiums
Simpsons
IKEA Walkthrough