Foster's: Australian for Swill.

At least, that's what I've been told by every Australian I've ever asked about it.

Anyways, I failed to adequately determine the directional flow of toilet flushes in Australia, mainly because I forgot to look, but I did notice the water flowing down the drain of the shower went counter-clockwise. Apparently Coreolis effects don't register over a radius of a couple inches.

Anyways, the primary discovery of the trip is that there are a lot of crappy movies out there, and they're easily accessible. I watched many of these crappy movies, simply because I had nothing better to do. Crappy movies on the 15-hour plain ride on the way there, crappy movies in the hotel every night after training and every morning before (when you're jet-lagged, you tend to wake up at 4am, and since you don't have anything better to do, crappy movies fill that void), and crappy movies on the 14-hour plain ride back. Oh, and one crappy movie after I got back. No excuse for that one.

Anyways, following is a list of the crappy movies I watched over the last few days and some mockery of them. Sidebar will be updated.

1- Kingdom of Heaven: 7.0
Not actually that crappy. We're supposed to learn from this that there are good and bad people from every faith. Good Christians, bad Christians, good Muslims, bad... hey, where are the bad Muslims? I guess according to this movie, no one of the Islamic faith has ever commited an evil in the name of Allah. Fantastic battles scenes, Orlando Bloom carries his weight well, but the movie lost me when it tried to portray all religions as being equal.

2- Monster-In-Law: 3.0
I didn't know they'd made a movie about Rie's mom. Ha ha ha... ha ha... ha. Oh well. I do have to admit I did laugh at a couple things in the movie. I've forgotten what those things are, so obviously they couldn't have been that funny. The primary draw of the movie is we see that Jane Fonda truely is evil.

3- Criminal: 7.5?
Unfortunatley, I missed the first 20 minutes of this one, but it looked interesting. A movie about con-men, sort of like a modern-day "The Sting". It loses points for vulgarity though. It's also just plain boring in some parts.

4- The Incredibles: 10.0
Not a crappy movie by any stretch of the imagination. My favorite Pixar movies ever, and the movie that saved me from despairing in the sea of mediocrity.

5- Constantine: -1.0
Utter, utter drivel. The moderately attractive Rachel Weiss was the only thing in it that kept me from clawing out my eyes and swallowing them because the inside of my stomach would look better than this movie.

6- The Pacifier: 6.0
Mainly humorous because you get to see Vin Diesel make a fool of himself, but very silly and not always in a good way. You might like it if you liked Kindergarten Cop.

7- Bride and Prejudice: 7.0?
Not crappy, but unfortunately I missed the beginning, so I didn't always understand what was going on (who's marrying who now)? Definite chick-flick.

8- Madagascar: 5.0
Oh, it tried so hard to be funny. Shouldn't we give it bonus points for that? No.

9- Sin City: -5.0
Definitely, the worst movie I saw the entire trip. Not bad because of acting or writing, but bad because it is utterly, utterly depraved. Of course, what would you expect from the title?

10- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: 9.0
So long and thanks for all the fish.
So sad that it should come to this.
We tried to warn you all but oh dear.

You may not share our intellect,
Which might explain your disrespect,
For all the natural wonders which grow around you

So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish.

You're world's about to be destroyed.
There's no point getting all annoyed.
Just lay back and let the planet dissolve around you.

Despite the nets and tuna fleets,
We thought that most of you were sweet,
Especially tiny tots and your pregnant women.

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long,
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long,
So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish.

There, now that I've passed it on YOU can start singing it and maybe I can get it out of my head.

11- Fever Pitch: 6.0
Not bad. Not good either. Except Drew Barrymore. I've seen her in enough things that I liked that she's avoided my black-list for the amazing crap that she's done as well.

12- Catwoman: 4.0
Not as bad as I had been lead to believe... which isn't saying much. 'Bright' spot was Alex Borstein (voice of Lois Griffin on "Family Guy"), but then again, a beagle seems bright in a sea of June Bugs. What I learned from this movie: women and cats like shiny objects.

---Edit---
Forgot one:
13- In Good Company: 7.0
Not half bad. Interesting take on a young man's life and the things that really should be important. Although, for once I wish someone in a movie would say "Oh, I can't sleep with you; we're not married."