Some More Stinkin' Hello's from Iraq

Paul Harold, how the heck are you and the wife? Ain't there a kid on the way? What is goin on? Thanks for writing me. Send me pics of what's you two are doing and tell Pat I said hi too! Talk to you later Sugar Lips!

Tony Braun, thanks for writing me! How's life in the Air Force? What's goin on in your life? You are an officer, right? What do you do? You haven't been deployed yet have you? Let me know what's goin on and keep conquering through love, Animal.

Jason Jones, no problem about the job reference. If you are ever thinking of moving out of freezing cold Michigan and moving down to the gulf side of Florida and drinking rum on the beach all day while you dream up algorithms... feel free to let me know and I'll mention your name again. I'm sure Tim would be more than happy to have you on the team. Will keep an eye out for the news reporters. You can see my hand on a regular basis covering CNN cameras every night. Not that we do anything... wrong... Anyhow, keep prayin for me and thanks for writing!

Annie, Mary, Chrissy, Kelli, Cari, Jay, Wade, Jim, Mrs and Mr and a million house pets
This is mainly for Annie and Mary cause the send me things, so thbt. (That is how you spell the sound of you spitting your tongue out and blowing the bronx cheer). I miss all you guys a lot. Except the pets. Okay, I miss Foxy too. But that's it, I draw the line there.
Chrissy, what was wrong with Ed? Any man that says "The owner of your company is a client of mine, so you'd better treat me right" to a waitress who makes soooo much money is a keeper! Or did you not learn that in Dating 101. It means he has facets and pizzazz or something.
Cari, I really wish I could be there for your wedding. You have to dance twice with Joe Belland now. I told him he had to dance once with you for me. I know, put you life on hold for me. That's a great idea. No marriages till I get back! Quick, call Cardinal Ratzinger, tell him I said so!
I hope you guys said Hi to Jay for me. Sorry his school sucks, but I could have told you that. That's true of all military schools. Who is Sherri? The love of his life? Dang, I must be behind the times.
Sorry about Terri. Wish I had been there to at least pray with you guys. As it was, God is probably looking at his prayer bill thinking "A call about Terri Schiavo in Iraq? Who the heaven in Iraq wanted to talk to me about Terri Schiavo?" My Dad was there with you guys in case you didn't know. Hopefully she's in heaven by now. She had more prayer support than most get, and she couldn't be in better company than with John Paul II.
How, did Kelli do on her SATs. I know she made me proud. Or we are breaking up. I'm excited for her to be going to college. I hope I'll be able to visit her there, or is she gonna be clear across the country? I can never remeber these things. Mike Kein is a dead man I tell you! Stay away from my girl! Other girl! Okay, friend! Tell him he'd better be good. Or... Or I'll tell Kelli to kick his arse.
By the way, I got the photos Annie and Mary sent me. Thanks so much! Is that Chrissy or Annie on the beach with the doll? And is that Jay on the beach with Mary and Annie? I haven't seen him in forever. I like the photo of all you girls together, now I just got to make sure I can hold onto it and it not disappear into a mob of Marines. All you girls look fantastically awesome and the guys can't make up their mind over which one they want, so I had to tell the sad truth about one of you getting married, and two of you just a little under their age group. With a slight possibilty for Mary. We do have a 19 year old mormon. This one is gonna be a little tough.
My other Mom talked to Mel Gibson! That is so cool! Mrs Carpenter rocks.
Mary got asked to prom twice. Yeah. You truly are the awesomest Carpenter. It must have been the Santa Baby that did it. Good luck on the driving. If your parents are paying any attention to you, there is a grey 89 Toyota Camry sitting at my house. Just type "hot wire Toyota Camry 89" into google and away you go! Good mouse story... I bet I would have fed them to the snake though. Jim and Wade, you guys rock. You got more guts than I do for keeping a snake. Where might you start doing drama? I'm interested to know so I can sit in the front row, eat popcorn and heckle... I mean admire your work. I'd be happy to teach you how to dance when I get back. I've got a whole slew of Strong Bad Teaches Dancing videos and we could learn them together -- you know classics like "The Leaf Blower", "The Up Down Up Down", "The Whoa, I Can't Stand On My Two Feet" and the ever impressive, ladies-can't-resist "I Don't Hygene Boogie". Well biggest fan ever, keep on keepin on and keep sending me cool stuff. Cause I earned it. Miss you Mary. Keep praying for me too.
Annie, I can't believe you have 4 other hubbys and 20 children and can't some how find a way to squeeze me in. I mean, come on you should be used to the drill by now. What's another husband and 12 kids between friends... or something. Schnoodleheimer or whatever his name is, is good. He thinks about you constantly.. Actually its getting kinda creepy. He just keeps writing Annie Carpenter with a knife into his arm. I'm starting to reconsider him as your husband. Post cards by the way are running thin over here. The only one I could find was one that had a picture of a dolphin on it and said something about the army. I'm not in the army. We don't have dolphins here. Actually you have dolphins where you are, so why would I send you a picture of what's in your back yard? You have to take me to the Strawberry Festival next summer. I had no idea you guys did pig races. That is funny. By the way, we will have to compare farmers tans when I get back. Did you say you had mass at your house? How did you manage that? I'm calling your bluff on the on the phone for 90 billion hours. By my calculations *pushing glasses back up nose* you should be still on the phone until another ice age comes through. Wow, that was a pretty full account of your entire weekend, down to the altar boy you are having five kids with. All I can say is wow.
I'm surprised you and Mary didn't burn the house down when you two were alone back in January. How was Sam's stay at your house? Tell Chrissy happy birthday from me and Ileana and I are getting her sloppy drunk when I get back. By sloppy drunk I mean, until I can't stand anymore. By me not standing anymore, I mean two beers. By two beers I mean, if Ileana lets me. And no, I have no idea how to use a comma. Congrats on only half of you getting sick while deep see fishing. My parents went to the inauguration (I couldn't spell that if you didn't already) by the way. They enjoyed it tons. I still ahevn't head the new strong bad emails cause I need to use headphones to do so. I keep forgetting to bring them to this computer though. And I LIVE Serious Sam. Serious Tom. No really I carry ridiculously large amounts of ammo on me and I say cheesy one-liners like "yeah, get some!" Send me a postcard of something interesting so I can send it back to you and say that I sent you a postcard. When you take over the world, let me know so I can come home and take my place at your side like Darth Vader or something. By the way, I won't tell your parents that you should have been doing school work instead of writing me. he he he... now I've got blackmail material. Thanks Annie, miss you and keep praying for me. Cause I said so.
Can you tell I like Carpenters? I mean they send me stuff!

Steph Puglia, Congratu-frickin-lations! (That's marine talk for I'm extremely happy for you!) Steph Puglia, an Italian princess from Texas (coolest state probably) who is definitley the hottest Business major in all of Michigan, is engaged! I'm extremely happy for you and am calling dibs on dancing with you at your wedding. Can't wait to see you again at the world's coolest BBQ at my place when I get back. Let me know how you are doing and send me pics. I want pics of the ring too. Keep praying for me and thanks so much for writing.

Ildi, I'm in Iraq in case you forgot from my last email, but when Ileana and I go back to DC we will take you up on your offer to stay with you. Let me offer to take you out to the most expensive restaraunt ever too! Like Applebees or Denny's. Sorry to hear about the admin and parent part of your jorb. I probably could have told you it'd suck. Kids are cool, grown ups bad. Good luck Scott on the Hill Police job. I hope that works well for you. Would love to come with you guys to the Virgin Islands but, alas, I am here. Ask Ileana if she wants to go 740 424 0238. She has my blessing, and all my money too. Miss you guys. Too bad we can't sit in classes and pass notes back and forth, cause now its probably your jorb to break that stuff up. If some little pale boy sitting in some math class of yours happens to be passing notes to a really hot little girl sitting next to him, let him off the hook, for me. I know how it is. Would love to get pics from you guys on what you guys are up to. Call Ileana for my mailing addy cause I sure as heck fire don't know what it is. Great hearing from you Ildi, keep prayin for me cause I need it.

And Kelsay from Ms. Croteau's class, thanks so much for the letter and the prayers. You are a good drawer... artist... whatever you call people that can draw well. You're good at it, and I think you should keep it up. Keep praying for me and my friends over here and hopefully I can see you and the whole class when I get back.