F.U. News in History
Antony van Leeuwenhoek Discovers Bacteria, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

September 17, 1683 - Dutch Tradesman and Lenscrafter Antony van Leeuwenhoek has announced two major discoveries. His first is the discovery of bacteria, tiny life-forms that are so small as to be invisible to the unaided eye. His second is Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, a psychological condition marked by irrational fear of bacteria.

Said van Leeuwenhoek, "For me, this was among all the marvels that I discovered in nature the most marvelous of all, and I must say, that for my part, no more pleasant sight has met my eye than this of so many thousand living creatures in one small drop of water. Then I realized how disgusting it is to have hundreds of trillions of tiny things living on and in oneself and began to dry-heave."

Van Leeuwenhoek makes "microscopes" by trade. These are special glass lenses that are used to magnify light and allow the user to see things much smaller than would otherwise be possible. It is while using this and improving upon the design that van Leeuwenhoek made his discoveries.

Writing to the Royal Society of London, van Leeuwenhoek describes plaque, "a little white matter, which is as thick as if 'twere batter," that he found between his teeth. He also took samples from two women and two old men. The men have never cleaned their teeth in their lives. Describing what he saw using his microscope in the plaque of the two older men, van Leeuwenhoek says he found "an unbelievably great company of living animalcules, a-swimming more nimbly than any I had ever seen up to this time. The biggest sort. . . bent their body into curves in going forwards. . . Moreover, the other animalcules were in such enormous numbers, that all the water. . . seemed to be alive. It is of utter disgust that this was found in a person's mouth of all places. The mere idea of such a finding makes one want to wretch."

According to van Leeuwenhoek, when he showed his findings to the older men, they both immediately went to vomit, then spent many hours cleaning out their mouths with whatever cleaning substance they could find. One scrubbed so hard that "his gums became red and began to bleed profusely, yet he could not seem to bring himself to stop cleaning, despite the pain he was bringing upon himself."

Van Leeuwenhoek has received numerous grants for his discovery and intends to use the money developing a substance that will kill these bacteria. Said van Leeuwenhoek, "I intend to spray or wipe this substance on any surface that I may come into contact with. I shall keep a ready supply on my person, to spray on my handkerchief and use to dis-infect my hands, should I be called upon to shake hands or greet another person."