Slow House Elves

My desk, circa Feb 2010

My desk, circa April 2011

The house elves around here work too slowly. Obviously, I need to beat them more.

The Magic Jacket.

Let me share a picture with you.



This is a picture of my jacket. It is, in most ways, an ordinary jacket. I got it at Celebration IV last summer (hence the Chewbacca picture on it). It was a tad expensive, but that is justified as it is a high-quality jacket. It is nice and warm. It has a fuzzy hood that keeps my ears warm and my head dry. It has lots of pockets. But there is one extraordinary thing about this jacket. Something very special about it.

It is a magic jacket.

Why do I say this? To what do I owe this claim? Let me tell you how this jacket is special: every day, when I come home, I take off my jacket and leave it on the back of the couch. And every morning next, when I am preparing to leave, the jacket has, magically, moved to the closet and hung itself up. I don't know if all CIV Chewbacca jackets are magic like this, or if mine is special. All I know is, sometime between when I get home one night and leave the next morning, the jacket hangs itself up.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Joe, how do you know that it's the jacket that's magic? How do you know that it's not just house elves that are hanging it up for you?" I've given this a great deal of thought. You're right, it might be house elves. In fact, it might be the same house elves that take my dirty socks from the floor and place them in the hamper every night. But if it is house elves, these are very lazy house elves. Why do they not do other things for me, like cook, clean, laundry, or the dishes? Why do these house elves only concern themselves with hanging up this one article of clothing, and what are they doing the rest of the time? No, I think it's far more likely that the jacket is enchanted.

I shared my theories with The Murloc. She laughed. I don't understand what she thinks is so funny about a magic jacket. I was amazed when I found out its special properties. She, for some reason, thinks it's humorous. Sometimes, she'll even tell me to hang up the jacket. "But I don't need to, dear. It's a magic jacket. It will hang itself." Women.